John Boehner: Is Obamacare Replacement At The Bottom Of This Barrel Of Chardonnay?


It's been five years since President Obama signed the Affordable Care Act -- aka Obamacare, aka The Just Like Hitler Health Plan To Socialize America To Death, aka Romneycare but without abortion coverage, aka the health insurance reforms as originally imagined by the conservative "think tank" the Heritage Foundation -- into law. Don't bother looking out your window to see if the world has ended yet; we already checked for you and, against all odds, we're still here.

And Republicans are still promising to repeal the ACA and replace it with ... well, never you mind, they'll figure that part out later. After their sweeping victory in the 2014 election, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell swore that once they ruled the House and Senate and could show those obstructionist Democrats how Real Grown-ups Really Do Leadershipping, they'd focus on jobs and the economy, by "renewing our commitment to repeal ObamaCare, which is hurting the job market along with Americans’ health care."

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Last week, House Republicans revealed their new budget fantasy, in which they promised -- again -- to repeal Obamamcare, because those first 56 times didn't count, everything is different now, since Mitch McConnell is in charge of the Senate and doing a real bang-up job of Getting Things Done and telling those weenie Democrats who's in charge and what is what.

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Never mind that Obamacare has been a success, if you consider expanded access to health care for millions of previously uninsured Americans a success, which you should because it is. Or if you consider it A Good Thing that people are saving money thanks to reforms in the ACA, like in Oklahoma, where Medicare recipients have saved around $191 million on their meds, which doesn't suck.

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But only a selfish bastard who hates America and freedom would want to save money on health care. Real patriots refuse to purchase health insurance if it means President Obama made that opportunity available to them: like Sheriff Richard Mack, who loves America so much, he refused to purchase insurance and would be drowning in all those medical bills he and his ill wife have accumulated if not for dirty liberals donating money to him on the internet.

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Maybe the Beg For Money On The Internet Act of 2015 will be the Republicans' plan to replace Obamacare, which they swear they'll have any day now. Really. Honest to heck. It's just that they've had to spend so much time suing over Obamacare, and voting dozens of times to repeal it, and warning us about how it will kill us all (especially our grandmas and Sarah Palin's children), and trying to find sob stories from people whose lives have been destroyed by Obamacare -- except for how that has yet to be true even a single time, WEIRD.

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But they're going to get on that SO soon, just you wait and see. How soon? Soon soon!

"Committees are continuing to work on that and I'm sure we're gonna see one soon," House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) told reporters on Thursday when asked if there's a Republican replacement to Obamacare.

"How soon?" a reporter pressed.

"I think we'll see one soon," the Speaker reiterated.

"One that covers 16 million people?"

Boehner didn't answer. He quickly moved on.

Meanwhile, the president issued a statement pointing and laughing at John Boehner and his non-answer about his non-plan:

Today, tens of millions of Americans with pre-existing conditions are no longer at risk of being denied coverage. Women no longer have to worry about being charged more just for being women. Millions of young people have been able to stay on their parents’ plan until they turn 26. More than 9 million seniors and people with disabilities have saved an average of $1,600 per person on their prescription medicine, over $15 billion in all since the Affordable Care Act became law. More than 70 million Americans have gained access to preventive care, including contraceptive services, with no additional out-of-pocket costs. And the law has helped improve the quality of health care: it’s a major reason we saw 50,000 fewer preventable patient deaths in hospitals over the last three years of data.

But the Republican replacement plan will probably do all of that and EVEN MORE. Just as soon as they come up with one. Soon. They promise.

[TPM/White House]

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Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

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Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

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While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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