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John Boehner On Leno: ‘I Am A Huge Alcoholic’ Probably

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Here is your Speaker of the House John Boehner charming Jay Leno to pieces Thursday. The biggest news is that he is very definitely naturally that shade of orange, he says, and he also acknowledges that his name kindasorta sounds like Boner. And being House Speaker is a bit like working in his dad's bar:

"You have to deal with every jackass who walks in the door. Trust me, I need all the skills I learned growing up to do my job."

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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It was bound to happen. We're now watching Republican congressmen react to Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office and saying "RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING" during an interview with George Stephanopoulos, literally inviting hostile foreign powers to attack the 2020 election for him like Russia did in 2016. And if you thought there wouldn't be at least one of them to say the quiet part loud and state for the record that crime is good if it helps Republicans win, then you haven't been paying attention to the Republican party in quite a while.

Enter GOP Rep. Chris Stewart of Utah, who sits on the House Intelligence Committee, AKA the committee whose members really should know better, even the Republicans, but unfortunately they don't because A) they're idiots and B) they've been sucking at Devin Nunes's dairy cows' teats (ALLEGEDLY) for too long:

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

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4. MONEY.

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