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John Boehner To Poors: We Want To Pay You Less To Help You

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Well, that was fast! John Boehner has taken a close look at President Obama's minimum wage proposal and after less than 24 hours of careful deliberation, has decided thatPoors are doing just fine, thanks, and also, we must pay Poors very little and this is the best way to help them.


“When you raise the price of employment, guess what happens? You get less of it,” the Ohio Republican told reporters Wednesday morning. “At a time when the American people are still asking the question ‘Where are the jobs?’, why would we want to make it harder for small employers to hire people?”

Boehner pointed to his 11 siblings who are “on every rung of the economic ladder,” saying he understands the issue “as much as anybody in this town.”

John Boehner is a multi-millionaire so if some of his siblings actually are the bottom of the economic ladder (which we find hard to believe) he is an asshole for not giving them a hand (which do not find hard to believe, now that we think about it).

Also, minimum wage hikes do not seem to cause job losses according to a pretty recent study.

Anyway, by this logic, small businesses might hire more people if minimum wage was lowered to say $5 an hour, so maybe we should think about that as a way to stimulate job growth, eh Boehner?

“A lot of people who are being paid the minimum wage are being paid that because they come to the workforce with no skills, and this makes it harder for them to acquire the skills they need in order to climb that ladder successfully,” he said.

The Republican leadership began a post-State of the Union news conference by once again calling on the White House and Senate Democrats to put forward a plan to avert the automatic spending cuts set to take effect March 1.

We can't quite figure out how this is supposed to work. A low- or no-skilled worker is being paid minimum wage because s/he is low or no skilled. And gosh darnit, this person would LOVE to get more skills but can't, due to the minimum wage being $9. Is this what Boehner is saying? We can't tell but if this is what he is saying, it makes even less sense than most of the other stuff that comes out of his mouth regularly. And while we're sure that a few genuinely small businesses would be impacted by a minimum wage hike, these are the companies with the most minimum wage workers (courtesy Business Insider) and we think they can handle the extra costs.

[Chicago Tribune]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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