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Were you lucky enough to have a real, live astronaut visit your elementary school back when public schools still existed? Bet the kids were so so super excited!!! We definitely were, because, of course, even a low- to middle-tier astronaut is several orders of magnitude cooler than anyone who hasn't been weightless in Outer Space. But did your classmates cry? Did they cry like the actual children they were? Hey, it's okay! Crying was a developmentally appropriate response, according to science, probably! This, however, is not the case when the "child" is your Weeper of the House John Boehner.

Here's how he embarrassed everyone this time:

His sniffles began during the speech, but it wasn't until after House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) stepped down from the podium during a Wednesday ceremony at the Capitol that the bawling started.

Boehner was one of several Hill leaders who gave remarks at an event honoring astronauts John Glenn, Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin with the Congressional Gold Medal. Congress approved the medal in July 2009 to mark the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing.

In Boehner's defense, perhaps these American cosmonauts brought back with them some sort of moon glitter that makes a salty discharge leak copiously from the eye holes of everyone in their proximity? And if so, just who are they working for? AND WHY WON'T THE MEDIA REPORT ON THESE MANCHURIAN SPACE DRIFTERS?

An attendee at the ceremony said Boehner's strong emotional reaction was startling.

"It was certainly a moving event, but seeing him sob and gasp for air was sort of off-putting," said this attendee.

This attendee probably won't be too happy about Boehner's plans to go catatonic at next year's ceremony.

[Swampland via Rising Hegemon; HuffPo]

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Former Colorado state legislator and internet-elevangelist Gordon Klingenschmitt (his name is my name too) knows why we hate Trump. Is it because he is a terrible person and a terrible President? Is it because he says horrible things all of the time? Is it because he had the motherfucking gall to refer to Aretha Franklin as someone who worked for him?

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Trump supporters -- you can't take them anywhere. One idiot Trump supporter in Sacramento, California proved that at a recent Social Distortion show, where he thought it might be a good idea to be a dick to lead singer Mike Ness, the most perfect human man in all of existence. It did not go well.

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