John McCain Won't Be Asking Elena Kagan To Prom
America's third-favorite McCain is an Op-Ed columnist at America's first-favorite McPaper! And man oh boy, is he hoppin' mad at that wily Mexican-Hebrew Elena Kagan. But why? Because of War, of course!
Here's Walnuts yelling at everything he thinks about again, including different kinds of shoes:
When Kagan was dean of Harvard Law School, she unmistakably discouraged Harvard students from considering a career in the military — even while claiming to do otherwise — by denying military recruiters the same access to Harvard students that was granted to white-shoe law firms. Kagan did so because she believed the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy to be "a profound wrong — a moral injustice of the first order."
Here is a thought: maybe Kagan granted priority access to "white-shoe law firms" because that is the entire point of a law school education: to obtain a job at a law firm, where everyone naturally wears white or ecru shoes made by cobbler-elves. That is where you meet your future wife, who promptly retires from her promising career as a corporate henchwoman in order to bear your adorable HLS Class of 2035 legacy brats.
This military recruitment thing is McCain's only criticism of Elena Kagan, and it is presumably his sole reason for not letting her join the sexiest sorority. Someone forgot to tell Arizona's most heroic non-Jan Brewer individual that rich Ivy-League law school douchebags don't join the Armed Forces anyway. They are too rich, and too douchey, and what is the point? Even the future congressjerks and senate-whores among them do not need whatever political capital that veteran status might bring; they can rely on their family connections and vast amounts of money. After all, that's how they got into Harvard Law School in the first place!
Besides, all the wars since World War II, which was fought solely by Tom Brokaw, have not exactly been Good Wars. Afghanistan had a chance at hosting a Good War, but then Osama moved to a rent-controlled condo across the border in Islamabad and the Taliban refused to not be in charge. It is not so glamorous to do a tour of duty in a Florida FEMA trailer, launching Wii-controlled death drones at houses in Pakistan that might include terrorists and/or their 17 small children. And surely this is where our imaginary Harvard Law Soldiers would end up, as it is a time-honored tradition for the privileged few to nab safer gigs than, well, everybody else. Probably you can get one of these video game jobs if your father donates monies to offset the cost of General Stanley McChrystal's belated farewell bash at the T.G.I. Friday's on the banks of the River Styx.
Still, it is good that John McCain is voting no on this unrepentant Jewess in order to appeal to the willfully ignorant, arrogant illiterates who make up the majority of the electorate in that state he hates to even visit because it takes him away from his beloved Washington lobbyists. [USA Todayw]