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Join the Mile High Club With GILF Sarah Palin!

Famous-for-not-being-a-gross-old-man Governor Sarah Palin is making good on promises to clean up Alaska's notoriously corrupt politics, and you can help her noble efforts!


Ex-Gov Frank Murkowski bought a corporate jet on "state credit," after Homeland Security refused to buy him a plane and the state legislature denied the funds -- as a result, jihadists secretly took over Alaska, using websites. But now everyone's safe again and Murkowski's fat ass was kicked out of office, so Sarah's selling the jet on eBay! We just made up the part about getting to join the Mile High Club with the former naked beauty queen.

1984 WESTWIND II S/N 425 N328SA Alaska Jet [eBay]

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

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