Here Is Our Registration To Blog In Florida, Mister Knucklef*ck Sh*thead State Senator, Sir

Not sure if this is the right format, but fuck you.

Dear state Sen. Jason Brodeur (R-Florida):

We are writing to inform you that we are writing about you, an elected member of the Florida Legislature, and your very interesting and facially unconstitutional bill, Florida SB 1316, which would require paid bloggers to register with the State of Florida, just like lobbyists would — at least if the blogger is paid for the posts they write. We would first off like to thank you for exempting newspapers and amateur bloggers from the legislation. That is right neighborly of you! Florida really is all about freedom, isn't it? Unless you're a wokey, and we all know about those wokies and their mobs.

We won't go into the details of the bill too much, since its instructions are so clear and easy to follow: If someone is paid to write about Gov. Ron DeSantis, the lieutenant governor, any member of the cabinet, or any member of the Lege, then that blogger must register with the State Bloggerlobbyists Office within five days of publication, and then also submit monthly reports to the appropriate office by the 10th of each month, unless "the 10th day following the end of a calendar month occurs on a Saturday, Sunday, or legal holiday," in which case "the report must be filed on the next day that is not a Saturday, Sunday, or legal holiday." Easy peasy!

You really thought that through! You don't mention whether the bloggers must be resident to the great state of Florida, one of those oversights that can happen when a bunch of fucking idiots get elected to make "laws." We'll assume that it applies to everyone everywhere in the known universe, since you didn't say it ain't.

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Republican 2024 Loyalty Pledge As Enforceable As All Trump's Other Contracts

It's your first 2024 GOP primaries Sunday show rundown!

To hear people like Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis talking about "diversity, equity and inclusion" programs, you would think they murdered his dog. But the reason these programs exist is to ensure that workplaces and universities are not dominated by narrow echo chambers. Unfortunately for the Republican Party, this aversion to diversity looks to make their 2024 primaries look like an attack of the GOP clones.

Fox Business screenshot of all possible GOP contenders except the one who's announced. Poor Nikki Haley. I guess you have to purchase the DLC to unlock Donald Trump & Nikki Haley

So let's take a look at what will surely be a race to see who can be the most MAGA before Trump inevitably eviscerates them on national TV.

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Peggy Noonan Converses With Giant Talking Statue, And One Of Them Makes Sense

Lady Liberty likely to now cancel her Wall Street Journal subscription.

Lord but she needed to pad out this week’s column. Peggy Noonan, sister in good standing of the Order of the Diazepam Insouciance, had uncharacteristically little to say. It happened to even the best writers, she supposed, so no surprise that her own well seemed to have run dry.

But there was so much going on in the world! She could write about the corporate malfeasance and rollback of government regulations that likely played huge roles in the disastrous train derailment currently despoiling a delightful corner of her beloved Robert Taft’s Ohio. She could write about the Chinese spy balloon that the feckless Joe Biden had allowed to drift across the North American continent like an Oriental Hoover, sucking up the nation’s secrets and beaming them back to Beijing. She could talk about the desperate Republican scandal to pretend that they did not in fact, despite decades of statements and actions to the contrary, want to destroy Social Security.


Perhaps We Could Improve Railroad Safety Somewhat?

Peggy Noonan Don't Know Nothin' 'Bout 'Bortin No Babies!

Hi, I'm The Chinese Spy Balloon! Please Continue Going About Your Day, Citizens!

I'm Rick Scott And I Do Not Want To End Social Security And Medicare, Pinky Swear.

Bah! So common! So jejune! So boring to try and squeeze 800 words out about any of these topics.

A break. She needed a break. The weather was unseasonably warm in New York this week, balmy as spring, so why not take a stroll around the city, perhaps visit a famous site or two, and find some inspiration?

And what could be more inspiring than the Ellis Island ferry chugging its way out into the harbor, towards the place where the American dream began for so many millions of the unwashed masses? The thrills those refugees from the Old World felt approaching the vast terminal where they would disembark to begin their new lives, the great lady, the Statue of Liberty nearby on her own island, greeting their ships with her torch held aloft to the heavens welcoming to America those who yearned to breathe free ...

“For fuck’s sake.” The deep voice boomed across the water, the shockwave knocking out the ferry’s engines and leaving it adrift. A cloud passed across the sun. The imposing stone face turned slowly, so slowly in her direction, the metal screaming in protest as the statue’s neck twisted to look down at her.

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National Politics

Sunday Shows: Post-State Of The Union Rundown

We watch so you won’t have to!

We’ve had a lot of fun since liveblogging President Joe Biden's State of the Union address. We've mocked the official unhinged Republican response,the public ritualistic humiliation of Rick Scott and Mike Lee, as well as the crazy lengths that Tucker Carlson has gone to save the GOP's face.

The Republicans who appeared on the Sunday shows continued flailing and set themselves up for more mockery. Let's watch!

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

On CNN's "State Of The Union" with Jake Tapper, Chairman of the Intelligence Committee Rep. Mike Turner of Ohio was all to eager to prove us correct when we pointed out Republicans’ bad-faith criticism of the "Chinese Balloon Crisis" last week.

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