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Judd Nelson's Goatee Wins Oscar For Best Facial Rodent

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  • Your Earthquake of the Week is brought to you by the residents of eastern Turkey. [Xinhua]
  • It's International Women's Day. Have you bought a card and flowers for your favorite international woman? [CNN]
  • Men who have always longed to make love to a trash bag will be thrilled to hear that the city of Washington DC is handing out free female condoms. [Washington Post]
  • People actually voted in the Iraqi election, including Sunnis! [New York Times]
  • WHOOPS that American Al Qaeda guy nabbed in Pakistan over the weekend isn't a filthy Californian, but rather some guy from Pennsylvania. [Los Angeles Times]
  • "The Hurt Locker" won every Academy Award ever, in order to spite James Cameron. [New York Post]
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While the year 2018 will be remembered for a lot of (mostly terrible) things, it should also go down in history as the year two entirely different women got married to ghosts. Most recently, a lady named Amethyst Realm (of course) made headlines by claiming that after having had sex with at least 20 different ghosts, she had finally settled down with one she met on a flight to Australia. As one does.

But before Amethyst Realm, there was Amanda Teague, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator who was very obsessed with Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, and who in January announced that she had married the ghost of a 300 year-old pirate named Jack Teague. Teague claimed that Jack Teague had been a black Haitian pirate who at one point had been left at the altar, and had been executed for high treason. She also claimed that they had sex -- including a little pregnancy scare -- and that he once bought her a coffee maker.

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Time for another episode of Poppy's Bad Tweets, wherein we answer the eternal question, DOES COMMANDER TWITTER THUMBS HAVE A POINT, OR IS HE JUST SMOCKING CRACK?

(Spoiler alert ....)

Yeah, About That NO COLLUSION...

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