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Judge Resigns Following Accusations Of Flashing In Starbucks Toilet

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O fair Cocktober, ye slayer of perverts and porn-filth fans, ye scourge of bathroom goblins and peen-flashers! Today's Cocktober Update features a judge in Florida who was accused of showing off his man-parts in a Starbucks bathroom on the campus of the University of Miami.


Let's run down the relevant and once again sadly predictable details regarding the now former Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Douglas J. Chumbley:

  • Republican.
  • Bush appointee (Jeb).
  • Juvenile division.
  • Former high school teacher.
  • Married, two kids.

Here is a crazy prediction: within the next week, another Democrat you have never heard of will have to resign his elected position because he had sex with some lady who was not his wife. Concurrently, a married Republican political or law enforcement official with a special interest in protecting our nation's youth will be arrested for masturbating on a public playground wearing a Barney suit with the crotch cut out.

Accused of indecent exposure, Miami-Dade judge resigns [Miami Herald]

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Fellow Wonkers, this last week of horror has been wearing on us all, because here we are in a world where the "president" of the United States has ordered that migrant children be taken away from their parents at the border, and is simultaneously proud of it (for his base) and cravenly blaming it on Democrats because even he knows it's morally reprehensible. But what the hell can we do about it, we are all keening, beyond calling our senators and representatives and posting sadness on Twitter, the latter of which is of dubious utility to anyone, and mostly depressing?

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There are perks to being the only Harvard professor willing to shill for the Bush League Mussolini. Everyone else has to haul ass to the Fox studio and sit for hair and makeup. Not Alan Dershowitz! He just parks his laptop in Pee Wee's playhouse and Skypes in that rant. Is he even wearing pants? We hope never to find out!

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