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Jump To Your Feet For the Winners of Our Blasphemous 'On Our Knees For America' Photo-Chopping Contest!

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What an interactive Friday it's been for you worthly Wokette skum! We had a real live book-writing guy drop by, and some of you actually seemed to have read a little farther than the seven chapters we made it. You also added a whole bunch of suggested (and suggestive) two-word article titles to K-Lo's Muppet Crying Game.


And when we noted that the Family Research Council's delightful pray-for-America website seemed to have a stealth agenda, you got up off your knees and fell to the task of remixing it, for Big Larffs. And here is our winner, a fantasia on a theme by Michelangelo and several other mutants, from the incomparable Dean Booth. This is precisely the sort of thing we'd like to think the graphics team at call2fall had in mind all along. More winnahs and runners up and also-rans after the jump! We would warn that there is NSFW content ahead, but if you haven't figured that out yet, you may actually work at the Family Research Council.

"SayItWith Wookies" gifs it the old-skool Blingee try, achieving Second Place with this... well... um... there's dolphins, OK? That works for us.

Third Prize goes to "LaCieca," whose prediction that we'd get "thousands on this theme" was blessedly inaccurate:

And Not-Dishonorable Mention goes to "hillarywhore1" for this rainbow-themed whatever-you-may-call-it:

Wonkette Operative "GF" submitted this frolicsome trio, with additional dialogue by Sam Taylor:

An unidentified operative sent this deceptively simple variation on the original design:

"Jus_Wonderin" offers this praise-filled vignette, complete with inspirational repartee:

Congratulations to all our winners, who each get an "Obamaphone" which they can pick up at their local NSA retail outlet. If you didn't win, BE FUNNIER NEXT TIME.

And finally, this last-minute addition by "JK" which has nothing to do with this contest, but which may well be the first entry for a new one, why the hell not? We doubt that this one will satisfy Tyler Coates either:

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

Giphy

SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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