Who could have seen this coming!
Congratulations, Joe Maguire, you just played yourself!
The story about Trump flipping out and firing his acting director of national intelligence, Joseph Maguire, because the intelligence community reached the blindingly obvious conclusion that Russia is trying to get him elected AGAIN, is fucked up six ways from Sunday. But let's not lose sight of the fact that just five months ago Maguire threw his body on the whistleblower hand grenade in a desperate effort to save the president from himself. And yesterday, for his troubles, he got tossed out like garbage.
THAT TRAIN IS NEVER LATE. And also, AS YE SOW, SO SHALL YE REAP. Plus a whole bunch of other aphorisms, probably.
Let's rewind the tape, shall we?
You know, until Trump pardons him.
Well, that was the most riveting sentencing hearing we've ever not been in the room for! Yes, it is Wonkette, reporting live on the scene from our house, where we watched on Twitter as Judge Amy Berman Jackson ("ABJ," as she's known to the cool kids) sentenced Roger Stone to 40 months in prison for the seven counts for which he was indicted, tried, and convicted, which included obstruction of justice, witness tampering, and lying his ass off so fucking much to Congress!
LOCK HER UP! THAT'S RIGHT, LOCK HER UP!
No, it wasn't the seven to nine years prosecutors originally asked for, before Attorney General Bill Barr decided after a mean Trump tweet that seven to nine years was just TOO MANY, and filed a new sentencing recommendation without actually withdrawing the original sentencing recommendation. This blatant act of low-rent Roy-Cohn-ing, of course, caused all the line prosecutors on the case to quit in protest, one of them leaving the Justice Department entirely.
The Prosecutors Revolt. No, Not The Old Ones, The NEW ONES!
PULL THE FIRE ALARM.
Hey, y'all hear those rumors that Attorney General Bill Barr has been threatening to resign, and has been supposedly telling Trump folks that? Ha ha! That is not what this post is about. Pink pussy hat and GIT OUT if it's true, asshole!
Were we not just saying like five seconds ago (yesterday morning) that it's getting KIND OF WEIRD how Barr keeps appointing special buddy pal US attorneys to look into whatever is grieving Donald Trump that day? They're not special counsels, they are Bill Barr's special boys!
Well surprise, there's a new one! And if we're reading this right, it's a pull-the-fire-alarm moment because it sounds like Barr is directly and obviously fucking with the Southern District of New York (SDNY), which likes to introduce itself at cocktail parties as the "Sovereign District of New York," because of how notoriously independent it is. That would be bad.
Has Alan Dershowitz been mainlining that trucker speed Alex Jones flogs over at Infowars? What the hell happened to that guy? Take a listen to this shit.
DERSHOWITZ: I have some information as well about the Obama administration – which will be disclosed in a lawsuit at some point, but I'm not prepared to disclose it now – about how President Obama personally asked the FBI to investigate somebody on behalf of George Soros, who was a close ally of his.
We've seen this kind of White House influence on the Justice Department virtually in every Justice Department. The difference this president is much more overt about it, he tweets about it. President Obama whispered to the Justice Department about it.
Love to see prominent American Jews promoting anti-semitic conspiracy theories about other Jews controlling the government over at Dead Breitbart's Home for Basement Dwelling Booger Eaters! It's such an out-of-body experience, particularly since he pronounces "Soros" like "tsuris," which is the Yiddish word for "troubles."
Sounds like some folks at Justice are just letting us know about some stuff, in case Bill Barr tries to interfere with that stuff, ALLEGEDLY.
Yesterday, we wrote about news that Rudy Giuliani's lusty trusty pal Lev Parnas might be in for some more charges from the Southern District of New York (SDNY), related to the Fraud Guarantee company he set up to help companies "fight fraud," and for which Rudy Giuliani was to be paid many diamonds and baubles to be the spokesmodel. We noted how that's pretty weird that the case seems to be getting closer to Giuliani, who has reportedly been under criminal investigation himself, at the same time Giuliani has been allowed to set up a secret shoe phone back channel to Attorney General Bill Barr, so he could deliver the very real "information" he's been getting from shady Ukrainians about the Bidens. (His information is being sent to the US attorney in Pittsburgh, sure why not.) (How many US attorneys they got on this shit? How about Utah, Pittsburgh, Missouri, Connecticut?)
But worry not, allegedly! Because there's also news out there that SDNY's investigation into Giuliani is still going strong.
The Washington Post reported this weekend that SDNY investigators moved the ball forward as the impeachment trial was ending, which feels like 12 years ago in Trump time, but was actually like a week and a half ago. The impeachment trial might not have been getting witnesses and documents, but SDNY sure was! And on top of the continued investigations into Parnas and Igor Fruman, their shady money deals and Giuliani's possible involvement with that, they're also prying into Giuliani's scheme against fired ambassador Marie Yovanovitch, which was undertaken because she was in the way of the corrupt Biden investigations sought by Donald Trump.
And Matt Gaetz and Lou Dobbs are losing their miiiiiinds!
The howler monkeys of wingnutistan spent the holiday weekend all up in their feelings about the Justice Department not doing LOCK HER UPS to former deputy FBI director Andrew McCabe. They were promised scalps, dammit, and now all they've got is a rapidly softening rage boner disappearing under a belly distended by decades of Hannity, Budweiser, and the BarcaLounger. SAD!
On Valentine's Day, the US Attorney's Office in DC sent McCabe's lawyers a love note acknowledging the obvious: that they aren't going to be charging McCabe with shit, so they've finally tapped out and closed the investigation.
"It is an absolute disgrace that they took two years and put my family through this experience for two years before they finally drew the obvious conclusion and one they could have drawn a long, long time ago," McCabe said on CNN, where he is a commentator. But for the MAGA nutbags, the real disgrace was that the DOJ didn't charge McCabe with something, anything.
It's good to have cover-up artist friends in high places.
Do us a favor real quick and remember everything we know about Bill Barr's Justice Department lately, including the fact that Barr has been personally intervening in cases related to Donald Trump, and has even been "micromanaging" certain cases at the usually crazy independent Southern District of New York (SDNY). Got all your knowledge about Barr's Justice Department and SDNY at the front of your brain?
Are you also remembering that Rudy Giuliani himself has been under criminal investigation by SDNY, but instead of a perp walk, we have learned recently that Giuliani has a secret shoe phone back channel to Bill Barr, so he can deliver all the absolute bullshit "evidence" against the Bidens he's been collecting from craven liars on his Ukraine vacations?
Did you read Liz's latest story about Bill Barr's ratfuckery at the DOJ for the benefit of Donald Trump's authoritarian pals in Turkey?
Now read this scoop from CNN, which is that already-indicted Rudy Giuliani pal Lev Parnas might end up with more indictments from SDNY:
It's your Sunday show rundown!
It's been a while but this Sunday saw the return of counselor to the President and what would happen if Tomi Lahren drank from the wrong Grail, Kellyanne Conway.
Appearing on "Fox News Sunday," Conway was determined to make up for time lost away from the Sunday shows, filibustering Chris Wallace for all 12 minutes and 47 seconds of her time.
Wallace began by asking what Trump thinks of the Justice Department's decision to drop the investigation into former FBI official Andrew McCabe, and Conway sped through the bullshit like an eager stallion at the Kentucky Derby (Bowling Green Massacre, Never Forget):
THE ROT IS NEVERENDING.
Bill Barr is the most dangerous man in DC. Maybe Trump is a demented aberration whose despotic demands result from a lethal cocktail of egomania and tertiary syphilis. But the attorney general, formerly known as a "serious person," insists that there is no law but the president, that the executive can defy both congressional and judicial oversight, and that he has the right to use the Justice Department to prosecute his enemies and to protect his friends. Which is such a gross insult to an independent legal system that former DOJ employees are slamming the fire alarm demanding Barr's resignation before he does any more damage to the department he leads.
This weekend, more than 1,100 former DOJ employees signed a letter demanding Barr's resignation and calling on current DOJ employees "to report future abuses to the Inspector General, the Office of Professional Responsibility, and Congress; to refuse to carry out directives that are inconsistent with their oaths of office; to withdraw from cases that involve such directives or other misconduct; and, if necessary, to resign and report publicly — in a manner consistent with professional ethics — to the American people the reasons for their resignation."
Donald Ayer, deputy attorney general under George H.W. Bush, authored an editorial demanding Barr's resignation or impeachment before his "root-and-branch attack on the core principles that have guided our justice system" turns us into "a banana republic where all are subject to the whims of a dictatorial president and his henchmen." Not to put too fine a point on it, the people who know how the DOJ is supposed to work are freakin the fuck out.
And every day more news comes out about Barr's assault on our independent legal system. CNN reported Saturday that, in response to persistent lobbying by Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Trump ordered Barr to disappear the case against Turkey's Halkbank for money laundering and violating US sanctions on Iran.
Or maybe HE is confuse.
Senator John Neely Kennedy, the thing what went to Oxford but who seems to want you to think he was raised by a brusque yet kind redneck alligator in the Louisiana bayou, went on the Sunday TV shows yesterday. And he said ...
Well, we're not quite sure what he said.
The question on "Face The Nation" was about whether it is appropriate for Donald Trump to turn the Justice Department into a vehicle for avenging his grievances, and specifically whether Trump should have tweet-whined about how unfair Roger Stone's recommended sentence was, immediately after which Attorney General Bill Barr very conveniently followed Trump's orders and issued a new sentence recommendation.
And Kennedy said:
READ THE TRANSCRIPT! OBAMA NETFLIX?
How much "on fire" is Bill Barr's Justice Department right now? ALL THE ON FIRES.
And here's another one for you! The DOJ has closed its investigation into Trump enemy and former FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe, according to his lawyers, because it can't seem to gin up any charges against him. Aw shucks! And Trump has been so fuckin' mad about that (SO MAD), why is Bill Barr refusing to deliver McCabe's head on a OH HEY LOOK OVER HERE, DONALD TRUMP!
That's a good Donald Trump! Chase it! Chase it!
Bill Barr has now brought in an outside prosecutor, Jeffrey Jensen, US Attorney for the Eastern District of Missouri, to (for the 50th time) check and see if maybe Michael Flynn WUZ FRAMED when those mean FBI agents asked him questions about his contacts with the Russian ambassador, and he decided to lie right out of his facehole. SPOILER, Barr idiot: He was not framed.
Bill Barr's Fake Russia Probe Pretty Sure Hillary Clinton #Pizzagated CIA Into Framing Russia For Oh F*ck It
Intelligence Community, How Does IT Work?
Speaking of Attorney General Bill Barr, AKA Donald Trump's broken truck stop condom dispenser version of Roy Cohn over there at the Justice Department ... it's time for an update on the US Attorney John Durham-"led" investigation into the REAL origins of the Trump-Russia investigation!
You know, even though the Justice Department inspector general already looked at that and found it was correctly predicated and based on very real evidence. Once Barr realized the inspector general wasn't going to give Trump, congressional Republicans, and Fox News windsocks a big fap-fest (though they certainly turned it into one!), and once he realized US Attorney John Huber's extra probe into Hillary Clinton was DOA, he had to gin up another "investigate the investigators" investigation, to keep his autocratic boss's bowels reg'lar.
Will Durham be able to invent a convincing fake story about how the Russia investigation was really a nefarious Deep State plot started by real FBI boss Hillary Clinton to stealthily steal the 2016 election from herself so that they could all frame Trump for Russia crimes? Fingers crossed!
The New York Times and the Washington Post have some new reporting on Durham's probe, and y'all, it's getting stupider.
We are not impressed with Bill Barr's ABC News interview.
Please everyone, Bill Barr has the talking stick and he needs to share.
BARR: I'm not going to be bullied or influenced by anybody.
#Resist, girl! Put that pink pussy hat up on top of your head and you SAY IT!
So, Bill Barr did an interview with ABC News, and we think the clever strategy here, obviously devised in cahoots with the White House, is that everybody is being so mean and calling Bill Barr Donald Trump's low-rent Walgreens perfume counter Big Lots early bird special ribbed-for-her-pleasure knockoff version of Roy Cohn, a man who has turned the Justice Department into little more than a clearinghouse for Trump's revenge fantasies, and everybody needs to KNOCK IT OFF.
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