Justice Kennedy: Give Us More Money Or You Can Interpret The God-Damned Constitution Yourself
Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy was on Capitol Hill yesterday, hitting the Senate up for money for federal judges. Apparently $165,200 a year, though more than what 95 percent of Americans make, isn't enough for these black-robed money-grubbers, despite perks like their ability to mandate gay abortions for everybody and confiscate all churches for transformation into temples for the Cult of Reason. They'd rather work for fancy-pants law firms where they can bill by the hour.
Because they were senators, Kennedy's interlocutors quickly lost hold of the subject and started rambling about their own pet peeves. Pat Leahy took the bold stance that federal judges should not be assassinated. Arlen Specter noted that Congress, a body whose deliberations are marked by unimpeachable dignity, has had sessions broadcast on television for decades, and opined that the Supreme Court should do the same. Kennedy illustrated what would happen in such event by recoiling in horror, hissing loudly, and crumbling into dust.