Kamala Harris Was On 'The Daily Show' And It Was Delightful And You Watch It Right Now!
This week has been full of scandals and corruption and general terribleness, so let's take a break and look at something GOOD. It is Kamala Harris, the Democratic 2020 nominee for president of the United States, unless somebody else beats her, in which case FACTCHECK WRONG, appearing on "The Daily Show"! It was so fun, and you should watch it, if only because Harris's laughs and smiles and the general joy she brings to fighting the scandals and corruption and general terribleness of America 2019 might help you remember to have joy.
Unless you don't like her. In that case, this post will probably not Marie Kondo your life. But maybe it will!
Kamala Harris on Her 2020 Presidential Campaign and Trump's Vanity Wall | The Daily Show www.youtube.com
Harris talked to Trevor Noah about ALL OF IT.
She talked about the really dumb part of campaigning, where you are in South Carolina and superfuckingidiots on the internet decide you are not black enough because you "pandered" by putting hot sauce on your greens (?????), but what we loved about it is that instead of being a politician about it, Harris talked about what happens when you have been campaigning and you are so fucking hungry that you end up getting "primal" about eating, like "BACK THE YOU KNOW WHAT OFF!" (Those were her words. And by "you know what," she meant "fuck.")
But she wasn't done talking about the stupidness of the press following candidates around to monitor their meal consumption. She STOOD UP to imitate the press standing around saying things like
"What's she gonna ORDER? What's she gonna ORDER? Did she order meat, or did she just order, like, a salad?" Right? And I'm like "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"
See, Donald Trump? THAT is how you make fun of journalists, who are indeed worthy of being made fun of all the time, whenever you want. You don't whine like a baby about how the New York Times is the "ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!" -- you fuckin' make fun of them on national TV, for the ACTUAL things they do that are dumb.
It's not that fucking complicated.
Harris went on to say (TAKE NOTES, CAMPAIGN JOURNALISTS) that it's real YOU-KNOW-WHAT-ING STUPID that the press focuses on this shit when, in case journalists haven't noticed, there are so many real issues and crises facing America right now.
She is just saying. And she's laughing while she is saying it at you press idiots!
Also she ordered pulled pork. And she high fived Trevor Noah about the pulled pork.
If you have not eaten BBQ in the southern United States, you wouldn't understand. (Memphis pork better, Senator Harris, come see us.)
Harris told another story about shopping in small businesses in South Carolina and finding a fabulous sequined jacket at a woman-owned business and campaign journalists being A IDIOT again, but we won't spoiler that one like we did the last one.
Harris also discussed substance and policy in the interview, and reaffirmed that she's going to defend her criminal justice record, the one some people on Twitter use to write her off as SHE'S A COP. She knows there are things she could have done better, things she wishes she had been able to focus on more -- which is kinda typical in positions like those Harris held, as a district attorney and attorney general, trying to effect change from within in a system chock full of institutional flaws -- but she's going to tell you what she's proud of, and what she's never going to apologize for (click here for video of this segment):
Well, first let me say this [...] I will never regret having prosecuted people who molested children, people who raped women, people who murdered other individuals. Those are serious crimes for which I believe there should be serious punishment. And I am never going to apologize for that and I think most people would agree that when one human being harms another human being, especially those who are weak and vulnerable, that there should be serious and severe consequence and accountability.
We also know -- and I was born knowing -- that this system of criminal justice in this country needs reform. It has been biased, there is systemic racism, we have had a policy in place ... that has led to mass incarceration, where we have incarcerated more people per capita than any ... so-called "advanced" country. And it needs to be reformed.
Harris talked about how her experience as a prosecutor gave her the tools to correctly assess that Trump's border wall is full of shit and useless and won't even fix the problems, because HELLO, SHE HAS SEEN THE TUNNELS DRUG TRAFFICKERS USE and SHE HAS PROSECUTED THESE PEOPLE and "that wall ain't gonna stop them!" You may also have this personal border expertise on WALL if you have seen a season or two of "Breaking Bad."
She also said Beto O'Rourke is WRONG when he says we should tear down border walls we have, but you'll have to watch the video to see why. (Also, to be completely fair, what Beto said was that he would specifically eliminate the border wall in his hometown of El Paso, because it's pretty useless.)
Finally, Kamala Harris reassured everyone that there will be a presidency after Donald Trump's, because (side-eye) "it's not the APOCALYPSE." And maybe it will be her presidency!
The point is watch the video. WATCH IT NOW.
Also these things, if you have somehow not gotten around to them.
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