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Bigger fig leaves, please


[contextly_sidebar id="5hKzvP0WYchgxmXC5cbdO1qhvbwUJVMc"]Congratulations, Kansas, on fixing your biggest problems, like going flat broke, oops. We assume you've reversed course and stopped trying to make Magic Conservative Trickle-Down Tax Cuts And Poors-Screwing Utopia happen, since that has gone so poorly for you. That must be the reason you have so much free time now for other state matters, like all the ladies who keep giving state Sen. Mitch Holmes a Kansasesque Simply Wonderful in his pants.

The dirty old man who chairs the Senate Ethics and Elections Committee has issued an 11-point dress code for gals who want to testify before his committee so he can better focus on their testimony instead of their T&A:

He offered more detailed guidance to women conferees because he had observed provocatively clad females at the Capitol. Revealing too much of the body during testimony to the Senate committee is a distraction, he said.

“For ladies,” the rule says, “low-cut necklines and mini-skirts are inappropriate.”

What constitutes a too-low neckline or too-mini mini-skirt? Oh, well, he can't say, exactly. He just knows when it makes him too "as big as you think" to concentrate.

“It's one of those things that’s hard to define,” Holmes said. “Put it out there and let people know we’re really looking for you to be addressing the issue rather than trying to distract or bring eyes to yourself.”

Send the vague message to scantily clad attention whores that they should stop workin' the Senate pole right in front of Holmes when he is trying to listen to their testimony about elections and ethics, and they'll figure out what that means. Just like the men have already figured out how to dress appropriately, which is why they don't need any guidelines.

Holmes said he considered stipulating men had to wear suit and tie when addressing his Senate committee, but decided males didn’t need supplemental instruction on how to look professional.

[contextly_sidebar id="GcZjE89PvGG8Hx3wwG26B0cnrDNgOvKP"]That's the great thing about men, besides all the other great things about men: They don't need anyone to tell them how to do anything, because they already know everything. If only they could get those sluts to be more like men (but #NoHomo), so they're not tempted to stare and drool and sometimes sext their interns and cheat on their wives. Republican dudes in Missouri had the same problem, and they tried to fix it with a dress code. Wanna take bets on whether Republican dudes in Missouri are still gross pervs?

You'll be shocked to know some of Sen. Holmes's lady colleagues are not quite so down with the senator's dress code:

“Oh, for crying out loud, what century is this?” said Sen. Laura Kelly, a Topeka Democrat.

“Who’s going to define low-cut?” said Sen. Vicki Schmidt, R-Topeka. “Does it apply to senators?” [...]

Sen. Carolyn McGinn, a Sedgwick Republican, said wardrobe restrictions set by Holmes could steer people away from the Capitol who don’t have clothing that meets his ideal. An individual’s opinions are more significant than what garment drapes that person’s shoulders, she said.

“I am more interested in what they have to say about the direction our state should go than what they’re wearing that day,” McGinn said.

Isn't that just like a woman to care more about what people have to say than what they're wearing?

[contextly_sidebar id="hF06utMYd1J5P8PTEeTF4fQnDQs7zsKR"]We hope the Republican-led legislature is able to figure out a reasonable solution to keep Holmes's hormones in check. Perhaps then they can get back to other serious concerns like banning women's healthcare and stopping poor people from going on fancy cruises with their food stamps.

[Topeka Capital Journal via ABC News]

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