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Kansas School Board Candidate Will Solve Budget Problems By Eliminating Evolution

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Jack Wu, an actual candidate for Kansas's state school board, pledges on hisvery impressive homemade website to do something about the most serious problem facing the schools today:


The current public educational system in Kansas and the United States is preparing its students to be liars, crooks, thieves, murderers, and perverts.

And how will he address this specific set of issues?

My mission, in running for the Kansas State Board of Education, is to throw out the crap that teachers are feeding their students and replace it with healthy good for the soul knowledge from the holy scriptures.

Because that would be totally legal. Who knows, maybe it is? So, let's see what parts of the curriculum he thinks need revising. We will guess maybe he thinks students need better critical thinking skills to be effective members of a modern high-tech democracy, right?

Let's be specific. Evolution should never be taught in public schools as science. Evolution is false science! God made the heaven and the earth and created humans from the dust of the earth! The very bad teachers that teach that men descended from apes via evolution need to have their teaching licenses revoked. Yes, students should be taught that God created everything.

Oh, that was totally going to be our second guess! So, besides instantly stopping children from becoming crooks, thieves, murderers and perverts, would there be any additional benefits to throwing out the theoretical basis that's at the root of modern biology and medicine?

School administrators are always complaining about budget problems and lack of funding for this or that. Haha, that's funny. I have a really simple solution to solve that problem: Eliminate funding for evolution textbooks and pseudo-education. We'll save a ton of money! Tell those evolution textbook publishers to recycle their waste of paper, and tell those evolution teachers to teach truths instead of lies.

The lies of men and of the devil need to be expelled from the classrooms of Kansas, and of the United States, and of the world. Make room for the truth of God!

Yep, and if there's some kind of lawsuit filed over Mr. Wu's education reforms, there's no need to spend any money defending it, because he's besties with the Westboro Baptist Church, which is a whole congregation chock full of lawyers! (We don't know if they'd donate their services for free, though, since that doesn't appear to be part of their business model.)

In any case, Kansans might want to start practicing saying "Board of Education Member Jack Wu," because even though he's only raised $5 and spent nothing campaigning, he's running in a very conservative district and has an "R" next to his name, despite efforts by the Kansas GOP and Gov. Sam Brownback to distance themselves from Wu because of his relationship with Westboro.

Oh, and the baby in the dumb illustration is calculating the volume of a sphere, but don't go thinking that means Jack Wu accepts your weirdo secular theories about the non-flat Earth. Also, the Westboro media apparatus has a video explaining their relationship with Mr. Wu, noting that while he attends their maybe-it's-a-Poe church, he is not a member of the church.

Yes, he said "interwebs." We are beginning to gain a new appreciation for the argument that WBC is actually just Deep Trolling.

["Mission: A WebsiteBuilder Website" / Huffpo]

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