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It seems like a pretty sweet deal: Accept Jesus Christ as your savior and when you die, you’ll go to Heaven, which we’ve heard is just heavenly. But some people are canny, you know? They’re looking for that little extra sweetener before they sign away their souls. Well, the Kentucky Baptist Convention hasgot these savvy salvation seekers covered.


In an effort its spokesman has described as "outreach to rednecks," the Kentucky Baptist Convention is leading "Second Amendment Celebrations," where churches around the state give away guns as door prizes to lure in the unchurched in hopes of converting them to Christ.

Eternal life in the Kingdom of your Creator? You can lock that in. A chance to win a deadly weapon? You bank that. And if you’re still on that fence, how’s a steak dinner sound?

As many as 1,000 people are expected at the next one, on Thursday at Lone Oak Baptist Church in Paducah, where they will be given a free steak dinner and the chance to win one of 25 handguns, long guns and shotguns.

As Jesus himself was overheard to say, “Love your enemies, and turn the other cheek, that’ll throw off the cops long enough that you can get rid of the body. Hey Maggie, how them steaks comin?” (Remington 30:06)

But not everybody in Kentucky is supportive of this idea, which is weird.

"How ironic to use guns to lure men in to hear a message about Jesus, who said, 'Put away the sword,'" said the Rev. Joe Phelps, pastor of Louisville's independent Highland Baptist Church.

"Giveaways for God" seem wrong, he said. "Can you picture Jesus giving away guns, or toasters or raffle tickets? ... He gave away bread once, but that was as a sign, not a sales pitch."

Just take a minute and picture Jesus giving away toasters.

Did you picture him wearing a hat? We did, like a little paper donut shop hat. No, you're right, it doesn’t make sense. Sorry to ruin your image of Jesus distributing free toasters with something that doesn’t make sense.

We are trying to think of something these churches could give away that would be even less appropriate than a gun, yet still plausible and legal. And we can’t. Porn, maybe? …Gloryhole?

Follow Alex on Twitter -- it's easier than fitting a camel through the eye of a needle. That's a Bible thing, right?

[USA Today]

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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