Kentucky Gets To Pay Creationists To Dress Up Like Noah's Ark Bible Dinosaurs, Yippee!
And that's when Noah's stupid gay peace dove got eated by a dinosaur.
[contextly_sidebar id="ju344dGjAG55BZnWfxLFRukuQ5PLstWy"]Exciting news, if you're a creationist! If you'll remember, a very weird creationist man named Ken Ham, who literally believes the earth is about five minutes old and all the dinosaurs died like eight seconds ago, is building a shitshow of a theme park in rural Kentucky, called the Ark Encounter. It is a creationist Bible theme park affiliated with Ham's Answers In Genesis (AiG), but instead of fun rides like a roller coaster through Jesus's empty tomb, you learn about the time Loving God picked this one Joe Sixpack-type dude named Noah to build Him an enormous boat (just like the one you're on!) so Noah's fambly and all the bears and the chickens and the termites and the dinosaurs (but just two of each and fuck all the others!) would be safe when God started murdering His beautiful creation dead with rain, because #sin.
[contextly_sidebar id="8afPSGWIjh3s8lSxDO2wpRhCpw3I2Z6a"]Last year, Ham filed a lawsuit against Kentucky for denying him $18 million in tax incentives, just because he wanted to hire stupid fundamentalist creationists only at his Bible Shitshow, which is, legal fact, discrimination. At the time, we called it a "frivolous lawsuit," and haha, IT STILL IS, but guess who got a dumbass Gee Dubya Bush appointee as his judge?
A federal judge ruled that developers building a replica of Noah’s Ark for a controversial Kentucky theme park can use religious beliefs as part of their hiring criteria and still retain tax incentives. [...]
U.S. District Judge Gregory Van Tatenhove wrote in his 71-page opinion on Monday (Jan, 25) that while Answers is “clearly a religious organization,” tourist destinations could be affiliated with religion if they serve the state’s “secular” goal of boosting local revenue.
“Bringing non-residents into Kentucky who will spend money on food, lodging, gas, and tourist attractions will increase revenues and benefit the state’s economy through jobs and spending,” Tatenhove wrote. “Such a purpose is plainly secular.”
Um. So basically the judge's logic is that because the Duggars and all their friends will pay sales tax on all the chicken-fried dickmeat steaks they order at the Cracker Barrel after a hot wet day of Arking, that means Kentucky wins and God wins and Jesus wins. Holy shit.
Does Ham really need all those millions of tax moneys for his Bible Times Jack Off Camp? Hell to the no. To learn about the wonderful world of creative financing Ham has employed to make his dream a reality, visit our friends at Bitter Empire, who made a three-part series 'splaining it all.
If you'll remember, Ham was given a chance to comply with the state's discrimination laws (which apparently don't matter now) in 2010, and he fucking agreed to it, because in his meth-addled creationist lame-brain, demanding employees believe in a literal interpretation of the Noah's Ark Bible story doesn't mean he's demanding that they be Christians. Atheists and liberal Jewishes who believe God created Adam and Eve and drowned all their descendants are still welcome to apply, we guess.
[contextly_sidebar id="e32NwTBhTB2WEmUv2iCkKscTUHC4kQhF"]So the state will of course appeal, yes? No. We regret to inform you that between the time this lawsuit was filed and now, Kentucky knuckle-draggers elected known teabaggin', Bible-humpin', cock-fightin' sack of shit Republican Matt Bevin as their governor, and, well, bad news:
“We are pleased the Court has ruled in favor of the Ark project. This Administration does not support discrimination against any worthy economic development projects,” said Jessica Ditto, a spokesman for the governor.
Elections have consequences, MORANS.
The park opens on July 7, and we would like to request that our best boss ever Editrix Rebecca Schoenkopf send us to it on a Wonkette field trip on or just after that date. PLEEEEEEEASE?