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And that's when Noah's stupid gay peace dove got eated by a dinosaur.


[contextly_sidebar id="ju344dGjAG55BZnWfxLFRukuQ5PLstWy"]Exciting news, if you're a creationist! If you'll remember, a very weird creationist man named Ken Ham, who literally believes the earth is about five minutes old and all the dinosaurs died like eight seconds ago, is building a shitshow of a theme park in rural Kentucky, called the Ark Encounter. It is a creationist Bible theme park affiliated with Ham's Answers In Genesis (AiG), but instead of fun rides like a roller coaster through Jesus's empty tomb, you learn about the time Loving God picked this one Joe Sixpack-type dude named Noah to build Him an enormous boat (just like the one you're on!) so Noah's fambly and all the bears and the chickens and the termites and the dinosaurs (but just two of each and fuck all the others!) would be safe when God started murdering His beautiful creation dead with rain, because #sin.

[contextly_sidebar id="8afPSGWIjh3s8lSxDO2wpRhCpw3I2Z6a"]Last year, Ham filed a lawsuit against Kentucky for denying him $18 million in tax incentives, just because he wanted to hire stupid fundamentalist creationists only at his Bible Shitshow, which is, legal fact, discrimination. At the time, we called it a "frivolous lawsuit," and haha, IT STILL IS, but guess who got a dumbass Gee Dubya Bush appointee as his judge?

A federal judge ruled that developers building a replica of Noah’s Ark for a controversial Kentucky theme park can use religious beliefs as part of their hiring criteria and still retain tax incentives. [...]

U.S. District Judge Gregory Van Tatenhove wrote in his 71-page opinion on Monday (Jan, 25) that while Answers is “clearly a religious organization,” tourist destinations could be affiliated with religion if they serve the state’s “secular” goal of boosting local revenue.

“Bringing non-residents into Kentucky who will spend money on food, lodging, gas, and tourist attractions will increase revenues and benefit the state’s economy through jobs and spending,” Tatenhove wrote. “Such a purpose is plainly secular.”

Um. So basically the judge's logic is that because the Duggars and all their friends will pay sales tax on all the chicken-fried dickmeat steaks they order at the Cracker Barrel after a hot wet day of Arking, that means Kentucky wins and God wins and Jesus wins. Holy shit.

Does Ham really need all those millions of tax moneys for his Bible Times Jack Off Camp? Hell to the no. To learn about the wonderful world of creative financing Ham has employed to make his dream a reality, visit our friends at Bitter Empire, who made a three-part series 'splaining it all.

If you'll remember, Ham was given a chance to comply with the state's discrimination laws (which apparently don't matter now) in 2010, and he fucking agreed to it, because in his meth-addled creationist lame-brain, demanding employees believe in a literal interpretation of the Noah's Ark Bible story doesn't mean he's demanding that they be Christians. Atheists and liberal Jewishes who believe God created Adam and Eve and drowned all their descendants are still welcome to apply, we guess.

[contextly_sidebar id="e32NwTBhTB2WEmUv2iCkKscTUHC4kQhF"]So the state will of course appeal, yes? No. We regret to inform you that between the time this lawsuit was filed and now, Kentucky knuckle-draggers elected known teabaggin', Bible-humpin', cock-fightin' sack of shit Republican Matt Bevin as their governor, and, well, bad news:

“We are pleased the Court has ruled in favor of the Ark project. This Administration does not support discrimination against any worthy economic development projects,” said Jessica Ditto, a spokesman for the governor.

Elections have consequences, MORANS.

The park opens on July 7, and we would like to request that our best boss ever Editrix Rebecca Schoenkopf send us to it on a Wonkette field trip on or just after that date. PLEEEEEEEASE?

[Religion News Service / Ark Encounter v. Parkinson]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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The president of the United States called a black woman a "dog" on Twitter Tuesday morning. It is common for folks who pride themselves on their supposed rational "level-headedness" to insist that Donald Trump's Twitter antics are part of some three-dimensional chess-like machinations intended to "distract" us from the Mueller investigation. But despite what Trump might think about my genetic stock, I'm capable of maintaining more than one competing thought in my head.

Sure, there's Russian collusion out the wazoo. Yes, immigrant children are still separated from their parents because of the Trump administration's cruel policies. But I also think whenever we dismiss something Trump does that would be a major story in any other presidency with a mammal chief executive, we help normalize this repulsive behavior.

I've mentioned before that every time Trump whips out his racist bullhorn, the "level-headed" brigade rapidly responds with examples of Trump also being an asshat to white guys and won't someone please think of them? "Doesn't Trump frequently call people dogs? He likes to take a Michael Vick theme to his personal insults." Charles M. Blow, who is more dedicated than I, looked into this claim, and it doesn't appear to be true.

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Saturday, Aug 11th ....... Seattle, WA
    Discovery Park, 4-7pm
  • Sunday, Aug 12th ....... Bellingham, WA
    Sunnyland Park, 2-5pm
  • Sunday, Aug 19th ....... Spokane, WA
    Audubon Park, 2-5pm

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