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Still up on that cross.


Kentucky clerk Kim Davis has had a busy few weeks! She spent some time in the slammer for refusing to do her job. She got to snuggle inside Mike Huckabee's armpits. She cried on the TV to Megyn Kelly about how it's just super mean when people (like yr Wonkette) say her lord and savior Jesus Christ doesn't love her. She went to the Values Voter Summit and probably did poppers off Phyllis Schafly's underboob while there. And she met the pope, who she may or may not be considering as either her 7th or 9th husband, she's gonna have to check her calendar to see where she can fit him in. But in all the hullabaloo, she still found time to sue that mean Kentucky governor, Steve Beshear, for persecuting her when he wrote a letter to the county clerks that stated the obvious: The Supreme Court ruled on marriage, and Kentucky will comply. This means he is FORCING her to Do The Gay. Doesn't Beshear know what Jesus said about gay marriage?!?! (Nothing. He said nothing. He was too busy feeding the poor, like a common Obama.)

Now Beshear has responded with court filings of his own, which say that Kim Davis sucks, Kim Davis is very bad, Kim Davis is stupid, and also, the governor didn't FORCE her to do diddlyshit. For real, he's calling her names, just like yr Wonkette:

Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear's lawyers are using the words "absurd," ''forlorn" and "obtuse" to describe the legal arguments a county clerk has used to avoid issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. [...]

"At issue here are marriage licenses issued by the Office of Rowan County Clerk and not Kim Davis individually, as Kim Davis individually has no authority to issue such licenses," [Beshear's lawyer Palmer G. Vance] wrote. "The Office of Rowan County Clerk does not have a right to free exercise of religion."

In short, hey, Kim Davis? The governor didn't "order" you to do anything, and also, YOUR MOM.

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See, Kim Davis and her idiot attorneys seem to believe Beshear is the Roman centurion who thrust the spear into her side while she was up on that cross, but the truth is that he was just one of the people in the audience, laughing. (Just kidding, he was not laughing! He probably didn't even go to the crucifixion.) But Beshear has been saying ALL ALONG that lady, this is between you and the legal system. You can't come cry to the governor, and you can't sue the governor for writing a letter that says yes, you do have to do your job and comply with a Supreme Court ruling.

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U.S. District Court Judge David Bunning, who at this point either hates Kim Davis or rewards himself with a nice bottle of 'spensive liquor every time he smacks Davis's ass down in court or locks her up, is responsible for deciding whether her idiot lawsuit against Beshear can proceed. We're certain he'll find a delightful new way to tell her to fuck off.

[AP]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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