King John Kasich Promises To Ban Whiny Teachers From Whining

He's like Tim Pawlenty without the charisma

Ohio Gov. Tim Pawlenty took a little time Wednesday to remind the GOP primary electorate that, for all that "moderate" stuff they may have heard about him, he's just as able to sound like a rightwing turd-mongler as any other Republican. For instance, he really hates unions, especially teachers' unions, so that's a terrific thing about John Kasich. See? Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker isn't the only Get Tough On Teachers and Murder Public Education candidate in the race. Even if pundits keep slandering Kasich as "electable," he still hates stuff that the base hates too, hooray.

Speaking at a New Hampshire "education summit" cosponsored by the American Federation for Children and "The Seventy-Four," which both advocate letting the private sector gut improve public education through competition, Kasich explained that if only teachers didn't talk to each other so much, they wouldn't spread pernicious rumors about Republican governors trying to ruin public education. You see, teachers get this ridiculous notion that "when we evaluate them, they think, oh my god, we're out to take their job. We're not out to take their job." Kasich immediately explained that he simply wants to get rid of all the incompetent teachers out there, who are apparently legion:

If you need help, we’ll help you. If you’re a terrible teacher, then you should be doing something else 'cause you’re going to find more satisfaction doing something else that you’re good at. We have to constantly communicate that.

And he wonders why teachers think Republican governors are coming after them? Still, there's a simple explanation for all this paranoia among teachers, Kasich explained. It's the outside agitators:

I’ll tell you what the unions do, unfortunately too much of the time. There’s a constant negative comment, ‘They’re going to take your benefits, they’re going to take your pay,'" Kasich said. "So if I were, not president, but if I were king in America, I would abolish all teachers' lounges, where they sit together and worry about, 'Woe is us.'"

Lots of applause for that. And why are teachers lounging around all day anyway, grumbling and spreading sedition?

You really have to wonder, though: Why on earth would teachers ever get the idea that Republican governors are out to kick them out of their jobs, apart from those constant reminders that there are too many bad teachers and not enough excellent ones willing to work for shit wages and constantly have their union representation attacked? And while we're at it, maybe we should improve schools by using vouchers to siphon off students and funding to private/charter schools, leaving the public schools to deal with more troubled kids -- and with lower budgets to help them. And when you do have a mentoring program for kids, require the schools to include a generous dollop of Jesus, too.

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Unhappy teachers? IT IS A MYSTERY. Maybe get rid of those pesky teachers' lounges where they talk to each other too much.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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