Kirstjen Nielsen Quitting To Lock Babies In Cages In The Private Sector

BYE, KIRSTJEN! Looks like you'll finally be able to take that vacation to Norway, the multicultural wonderland of the north. Quick, stick a few of those cool tinfoil blankets in your pocketbook, just in case they deactivate your badge while you're in the ladies room!

The Washington Post reports that Trump will be giving Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen the boot any second now. Apparently, she failed to grasp that you can't just tell Trump the crazy shit he wants to do is illegal. You have to smile and nod, then try to keep a low profile while staying one step ahead of the law. DUH.

Trump has berated her during Cabinet meetings, belittled her to other White House staff and tagged her months ago as a "Bushie," a reference to her previous service under President George W. Bush and meant to cast suspicion on her loyalty. When Nielsen has tried to explain the laws and regulations that prevent the government from drastically curtailing immigration or closing the border with Mexico, as Trump has suggested, the president has grown impatient and frustrated, aides said.

In Trumpland, it's not enough to pretend you're deaf when Uncle Racist says he wants to end immigration from "shithole countries." You have to do more than just build concentration camps in the desert. It's not enough to lie in public for the president and say there's no family separation policy when there is obviously a family separation policy and you know it because YOU ARE DOING THE SEPARATING. Locking up thousands of kids and losing their paperwork so they can't be reunited with their parents is a promising start, but you have to remember to do it all with a dazzling white smile plastered on your face. You can't just walk around looking like you're waiting for the Ex-Lax to kick in, especially if you are a Lady Secretary.

Also, too, the president is A IDIOT.

Colleagues who've worked closely with Nielsen and defend her performance at DHS say working for Trump on immigration issues is miserable because the president has an unrealistic view of border security and little patience for the intricacies of U.S. immigration law.

The New York Times is out with its own story this morning on the DHS secretary's imminent departure. Apparently, firing Nielsen is a twofer, since her rabbi John Kelly will be GRRR SO MAD that he quitfires himself in rage.

Inside the White House, removing Ms. Nielsen is also seen as a way for Mr. Trump to push out the White House chief of staff, John F. Kelly, without directly firing him.

Mr. Trump and Mr. Kelly arrived at a plan earlier this year for Mr. Kelly to remain in his job through the 2020 election, but the president has privately told allies that he would not bet on his chief of staff staying that long.

UH HUH. We can't help but notice that career military man John Kelly is entirely unbothered by the fact that 5,000 troops are shoveling manure at the border right now as part of an election stunt. But one man's five-dimensional chess is another man's unmitigated chaos. Although someone in that den of vipers is thinking several moves ahead.

Nick Ayers, the chief of staff to Vice President Mike Pence, has long been seen as a prospective replacement for Mr. Kelly if he leaves.

And speaking of personnel moves, the Queen of the Howler Monkeys has thoughts.

Yeah, Kris Kobach's not doing anything right now. His fake-ass vote fraud commission imploded. He got murdered in court by the ACLU when he tried to ratfuck the Sunflower State's voter rolls. And he lost the gubernatorial election to Democrat Laura Kelly in Kansas. But sure, once Kobach finishes his court-mandated legal refresher course, he's totally available to run the AG's Office and DHS! Although, as he Post tactfully points out, his "hard-line views — especially on immigration — are considered by many observers to be too extreme to win Senate confirmation."

Whoever succeeds Nielsen to become the fourth DHS secretary in two years will undoubtedly be worse. And if Trump tries to shoehorn some hack in there without Senate confirmation, we'll be in the same court nightmare as with the Whitaker appointment to AG. And yet, we are delighted to see the back of Eva Brjaun.

So, BYE, GIRL! It's a damn shame you threw your reputation on the Trumpland dumpster fire, only to be humiliatingly kicked to the curb like garbage.

LOLOLOL! Not really.

[WaPo / NYT]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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