BYE, KIRSTJEN! Looks like you'll finally be able to take that vacation to Norway, the multicultural wonderland of the north. Quick, stick a few of those cool tinfoil blankets in your pocketbook, just in case they deactivate your badge while you're in the ladies room!

The Washington Post reports that Trump will be giving Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen the boot any second now. Apparently, she failed to grasp that you can't just tell Trump the crazy shit he wants to do is illegal. You have to smile and nod, then try to keep a low profile while staying one step ahead of the law. DUH.

Trump has berated her during Cabinet meetings, belittled her to other White House staff and tagged her months ago as a "Bushie," a reference to her previous service under President George W. Bush and meant to cast suspicion on her loyalty. When Nielsen has tried to explain the laws and regulations that prevent the government from drastically curtailing immigration or closing the border with Mexico, as Trump has suggested, the president has grown impatient and frustrated, aides said.

In Trumpland, it's not enough to pretend you're deaf when Uncle Racist says he wants to end immigration from "shithole countries." You have to do more than just build concentration camps in the desert. It's not enough to lie in public for the president and say there's no family separation policy when there is obviously a family separation policy and you know it because YOU ARE DOING THE SEPARATING. Locking up thousands of kids and losing their paperwork so they can't be reunited with their parents is a promising start, but you have to remember to do it all with a dazzling white smile plastered on your face. You can't just walk around looking like you're waiting for the Ex-Lax to kick in, especially if you are a Lady Secretary.

Also, too, the president is A IDIOT.

Colleagues who've worked closely with Nielsen and defend her performance at DHS say working for Trump on immigration issues is miserable because the president has an unrealistic view of border security and little patience for the intricacies of U.S. immigration law.

The New York Times is out with its own story this morning on the DHS secretary's imminent departure. Apparently, firing Nielsen is a twofer, since her rabbi John Kelly will be GRRR SO MAD that he quitfires himself in rage.

Inside the White House, removing Ms. Nielsen is also seen as a way for Mr. Trump to push out the White House chief of staff, John F. Kelly, without directly firing him.

Mr. Trump and Mr. Kelly arrived at a plan earlier this year for Mr. Kelly to remain in his job through the 2020 election, but the president has privately told allies that he would not bet on his chief of staff staying that long.

UH HUH. We can't help but notice that career military man John Kelly is entirely unbothered by the fact that 5,000 troops are shoveling manure at the border right now as part of an election stunt. But one man's five-dimensional chess is another man's unmitigated chaos. Although someone in that den of vipers is thinking several moves ahead.

Nick Ayers, the chief of staff to Vice President Mike Pence, has long been seen as a prospective replacement for Mr. Kelly if he leaves.

And speaking of personnel moves, the Queen of the Howler Monkeys has thoughts.

Yeah, Kris Kobach's not doing anything right now. His fake-ass vote fraud commission imploded. He got murdered in court by the ACLU when he tried to ratfuck the Sunflower State's voter rolls. And he lost the gubernatorial election to Democrat Laura Kelly in Kansas. But sure, once Kobach finishes his court-mandated legal refresher course, he's totally available to run the AG's Office and DHS! Although, as he Post tactfully points out, his "hard-line views — especially on immigration — are considered by many observers to be too extreme to win Senate confirmation."

Whoever succeeds Nielsen to become the fourth DHS secretary in two years will undoubtedly be worse. And if Trump tries to shoehorn some hack in there without Senate confirmation, we'll be in the same court nightmare as with the Whitaker appointment to AG. And yet, we are delighted to see the back of Eva Brjaun.

So, BYE, GIRL! It's a damn shame you threw your reputation on the Trumpland dumpster fire, only to be humiliatingly kicked to the curb like garbage.

LOLOLOL! Not really.

[WaPo / NYT]

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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