Ladies Don’t Want To Write Op-Eds Like ‘Ann Coulter Or Wonkette’ Says WaPo Op-Ed Lady (Updated!)
Ahem. We have brought it to our own attention that we are whining about a column that is like seven years old. You know what to do with the rest.
Hey mommybloggers! Do you ever wonder why more XX-Americans aren't writing more op-eds in the nation's "news-papers"? Well, a nice op-ed lady at the Washington Post has broken it down for you: it is because even though they ask ladies all the time to write op-eds for them, the ladies are like "I want to make sure I have enough time to craft something thoughtful that is not not bullshit," or "I am too busy doing three jobs so I can earn the same as my husband, why don't you ask him?" but men are like "fuck yeh, I have 20 minutes in between squash games, I can shit out some ill-thought nonsense for you right away!" Why, asks Zofia Smardz, won't women shit out ill-thought nonsense in 20 minutes so she can fill her section with the level of Thought and Discourse we have come to expect? Then she compares Ann Coulter and Wonkette.
So let's get to that part!
Not long ago, I got a woman to write a complex budget story in a day, sandwiching it in between her university search committee interviews. And for the very issue you're reading now, a colleague signed up a woman who enthusiastically offered to send a draft overnight, no problem! Another editor sent an idea into the British e-mail ether a couple of weeks ago, and back the very next day came a perfectly crafted article from the woman she had contacted. But still, there aren't that many women clamoring to be the next Ann Coulter or Wonkette.
We feel like we should probably take great umbrage and add some high dudgeon to this. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING ANN COULTER, "SMARDZ," IF THAT EVEN IS YOUR REAL NAME. Also, there are totally that many women clamoring to be the next Wonkette. Like us. We used to clamor to be the next Wonkette before we threw Ken Layne off the tower, feeding his lifeless corpse to the jackals below. (You. You are the jackals. You do know that right?)
Also -- and we're just spitballing here? -- maybe if you were looking for women "who want to be the next Wonkette," you might try asking the current one! We can say with one hundred percent truth that neither we, nor Kris E. Benson, nor Kirsten Boyd Johnson, nor Fakakta South, nor Blair Burke, nor Snipy, nor Sara Benincasa have ever once in our combined [math ...] several years on the planet been asked by the Washington Post to spew 20 minutes' worth of nonsense on its hallowed pages.
Because we would totally do that. Why, Benson can even write about finance and moneez! And Snipy is a little bit of an expert on education law! And the rest of us are very good at calling people names!
But tell us more, Madam.
For the most part, ladies, it is we who hesitate. I don't know whether we should accept that or fight it, but I know how it goes. I can't number the times I have an idea and think I'll write about it . . . and don't. I think of excuses -- family demands, fatigue, finishing my barely begun novel, you name it. But I know what's really at the root of my reluctance. I don't want to waste my arrow. I want to hit the bull's-eye. I want it to be just right. This time, though, I'm not worried about that. This time, I decided just to bat it out.
And besides, we wanted another piece by a woman.
Hahahahahaha. Good one. Yeah, we definitely could have spared the time and thought for that, in between our little mommyblog and academia and yelling at other people's husbands and kids.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.