Last Days of Eating and Drinking Bliss Before You Have to Do Real Stuff Again


Listen up kids: People are coming back from vacation soon, which means that the city is on the verge of functioning normally again. Therefore, this is the LAST WEEK that you can stumble into work hungover and/or still drunk and get away with it because NO ONE IS AROUND to catch your drunk ass. As such, you must go out, drink and enjoy an empty DC while it lasts. And then go eat! Just don’t pass out at your table. Your server will be pissed.

The best inebriated eats that DC has to offer:

  • Afterwords Cafe: Afterwords Cafe is open 24 goddamn hours on weekends, and strolling in drunk at 2:30AM is a badge of honor for many DCers. (Sadly.) Afterwords does offer ideal drunk foods: nachos, pizza, burgers, and pie, like the peanut butter amazingness that is the goober pie. But keep in mind, you do have to walk up three flights of stairs to get to the bathroom.
  • Julia's Empanadas: We wonder if South Americans are annoyed that we have turned their cultural delicacy into something that we eat so as to not vomit after a night of intense drinking... Now in three location (Dupont circle, Adams Morgan and Columbia Heights) you can have greasy empanadas wherever your drunk ass ends up!
  • Ben's Chili Bowl: Everyone knows that Ben's is the ideal spot to indulge at after a long night-o-drinking. Chili, half smokes, and chili cheese fries. The more grease and cheese, the more likely that you will be able to function tomorrow.
  • Amsterdam Falafel: If you can navigate your way through the skankerifious crowds on 18th Street, stop by Amsterdam Falafel for do it yourself falafel goodness. And by do it yourself, you still have to use the silverware. Do not stick your drunk fingers in the eggplant. Your late night falafel hankering can also be satisfied at Shawarma Spot or Old City Cafe of Jerusalem.
  • The Diner: Afterwords north, if you will, the Diner is also open 24 hours on weekends (and during the week for that mater). However, because it’s located in the pit that is Adams Morgan, you will wait years for a table. It is worth it though because it's a lot cheaper than Afterwords and you still get all your favorite drunk eats.
  • The Fojol Brothers: This food cart roams the streets of DC late at night, spreading childhood literacy via Indian food. No really, they do. You’ll help starving kids in Africa if you buy some of their rather enjoyable, moderately expensive curry and other Indian food items.
  • JUMBO SLICE: Ah, jumbo slice, the best food that DC has to offer to its inebriated messes. There are thousands of jumbo slice eateries in DC and there is NOTHING better than jumbo slice when drunk. It’s MASSIVE, it’s greasy and it's good. It will cure your hangover, move you to pure bliss, and some say it even functions as birth control. Enjoy.

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