Last Wonk Party Ever, Tonight!!!1! (Until That One In Miami Next Month)
Fuckin shit cocksuck goddamn we are never, ever, EVER going to get home and wrest the reins of this here mommyblog back from the Usurper, Doktor Zoom, who has doubtless been doing terrible things to it in the name of Skeeterfly or Princess Peachlumps or whatever. Because after we throw ourAustin party TONIGHT (6 p.m., East Side Pies, 1401-B Rosewood Ave., across from the Carver library; East Side Pies just happened to be mentioned by the Rachel Maddow LAST NIGHT, because we are always RIGHT IN THE FUCKIN MIX), we are going to have to drive home, on the 10, America's worst interstate besides any that go through Kansas. What we are saying is we are NEVER GOING TO GET HOME. We think we might have said that already?
We don't know whose stupid fucking idea this was, taking our vacation and using it to drive 7,000 miles and buy you beers and then REFUSING TO EVEN LET YOU GIVE US MONEY WHEN YOU TRY TO GIVE US MONEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP THAT HENGHHHH???? So if you want to give us money, FINE, you can give us money. Also, be prepared to buy all the goddamn shirts and cups that are in the back of our gently used Prius, because we are goddamned if we are going to CARRY THAT SHIT BACK UPSTAIRS.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.