Latest Leaks About Trump's Hunt For White House Leakers HILARIOUS
We regret to inform you Donald Trump's hunt for the leakers is getting stupider, and it involves his 645th chief of staff, Mark Meadows, who literally left Congress for this. Meadows, who reportedly cries at work, is on the hunt for the leakers who leak the very fake highly classified top secret lie-hoaxes about Donald Trump turning a blind eye to his real dad Vladimir Putin paying Taliban fighters cold hard
American Russian cash to kill our troops in Afghanistan.
And according to Axios, Meadows is telling people about the hunt. Loudly. "I AM DOING A HUNT RIGHT NOW! LOOK AT ME, I AM THE ELMER FUDD OF INSPECTOR GADGETS!" is a thing Mark Meadows maybe says, in the White House, to everyone he has ever met.
President Trump's chief of staff, Mark Meadows, has told several White House staffers he's fed specific nuggets of information to suspected leakers to see if they pass them on to reporters — a trap that would confirm his suspicions. "Meadows told me he was doing that," said one former White House official. "I don't know if it ever worked."
Well definitely not if he's telling everybody, Jesus Christ.
"Hello Jared and Stephen Miller and Kellyanne Conway — ESPECIALLY YOU, KELLYANNE — and White House janitor and White House butler and Kayleigh McEnany and the Nazi and the Nazi's godawful hateful wife and Ivanka and the gay one and Mother and Mother's dry cleaner and Mother's husband who isn't allowed to be alone with the women and Hope Hicks, IMPORTANT TOP SECRET MESSAGE: I am ... gigglegigglesnortsnortCOUGH ... telling people FAKE NEWS in the WHITE HOUSE to see if they tell MAGGIE HABERMAN the WHITE HOUSE FAKE NEWS! Don't tell anybody, OK?"
This hunt for leakers has put some White House staffers on edge, with multiple officials telling Axios that Meadows has been unusually vocal about his tactics.
On edge because they're embarrassed for him?
So, if Axios (slogan: "We report what they say to us, we dunno") is correct, then this shit has been consuming Meadows ever since he got there and started weeping, just like it's consumed every other chief of staff. We guess this is fine, since Jared is the real chief of staff, and otherwise what would the chief of staff do? Gossip with Hope Hicks?
Axios says Trump's upset, obviously, about how everybody knows the fake witch hoax top secret intel about him ignoring daddy's ruble bounties on American troop heads. But he is also mad that news leaked out about how he is a YOOGE bunker baby, and we knew Trump was upset about that, because of the dumbfucking lie Trump told about how he only went down to the bunker to do a very important bunker inspection. Axios reports Meadows found one leaker — some really dumb leaker of something nobody cares about because it's dumb — but he can't find any of the other leakers of these two equally vital national security stories, about the bounties and the bunkers.
Again, maybe it is because apparently MARK MEADOWS CAN'T STOP TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT HIS INSPECTOR GADGET PLAN TO FIND THE LEAKERS.
Somebody who is definitely not Mark Meadows wants us to know that actually, SHUT UP, he does not care about the bunker thing, that's just Donald Trump whining:
A source familiar with Meadows' thinking said he is "focused on national security leaks and could care less about the palace intrigue stories."
Axios says this is just like all the other chiefs of staff, but especially Mick Mulvaney, who reportedly tried to nail asshole White House Counsel Pat Cipollone for being The Leaker, but nobody cared about that because everybody knew Mulvaney hated Cipollone. And of course Trump has been obsessed with finding "Anonymous," but nobody can find "Anonymous," even though they bought a software to try to find "Anonymous" and everything. "But the software was difficult to use and the effort failed, according to a senior administration official."
In early December, Trump told a senior White House staffer it would be "a better use of your time to stay here and find f---ing Anonymous" rather than join the president on his trip to London for the NATO summit, according to a source familiar with the exchange.
LOL that is so pathetic.
TBH, this Axios article is hilarious:
Other highlights of the White House's leak hunts include former press secretary Sean Spicer forcing his own staff to dump their phones on a table for an impromptu phone search — an interrogation that itself immediately leaked.
And former communications director Anthony Scaramucci famously threatened to fire all the leakers, but at the same time... well this Vox headline sums it up: "Anthony Scaramucci leaked that he would fire a press aide, then complained about the leak."
So sassy, that Axios. We're going to have to start calling Axios "Sassy On The Potomac" if it keeps being so sassy.
If you are a White House staffer who has been recently told by Mark Meadows that he is doing a Nancy Drew mystery to find the leakers, explaining his plan in painstaking and very clever detail, please email us so we can laugh about it together. We promise not to reveal your name except for to our Lord.
In summary and in conclusion, maybe if this White House wasn't such a cesspit of crime, incompetence and tomfoolery, yes we said Tom Foolery, then maybe this wouldn't happen so much. As it is, Trump is right when he says, as Axios reports, that he thinks he is surrounded by snakes.
Remember that Lincoln Project ad about "loyalty"?
Who's the leaker, Donald? IT'S EVERYONE.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, WE NEED YOUR LOVE GIFTS TO KEEP US GOING.