Laura Ingraham Wants To Poll Test All That Uppity COVID-19 'Data'

Thursday night, Laura Ingraham claimed “the Left" doesn't want Americans to return to their normal way of life, which — if I recall correctly — didn't involve shocking numbers of people dying daily from COVID-19. She argued that Democrats and their “poodles in the media" ignore any positive developments that might lead us to reopen the economy. They might've even overstated the problem from the start.

INGRAHAM: We knew weeks ago that our hospitals weren't going to break under COVID.

We did not. This month, at least two people died in a Detroit emergency room before help could arrive. Outside was America.

INGRAHAM: Now, military hospital ships are mostly empty, emergency hospital tents barely utilized. No one who has needed an ICU bed has been denied one. No one who's needed a ventilator was denied one. This should be celebrated.

The coronavirus has killed more than 50,000 people in two months — 15,740 in New York where Ingraham tapes her white power hour. But Ingraham wants to throw a parade in Donald Trump's honor because the hospital system hasn't collapsed? That's only because of the extensive mitigation efforts taken that Ingraham dismisses as an overreaction. She seems to think Gov. Andrew Cuomo should've permitted people to attend church on Easter and spread the coronavirus because there was room at the ICU. Just because you can check in at the hospital doesn't mean you check out.

INGRAHAM: The Trump administration should get some credit for these achievements.

She said this with a straight face.

INGRAHAM: The curve was flattened.

No, it's not! Girl, you lying. The curve is still full-on Raquel Welch.

New York Times

Until there's a vaccine, we can't just reset to factory settings and hope that takes care of the virus. We'd face a potential lethal second wave like what happened with the Spanish Flu. The safest way to leave the house involves extensive testing and contact tracing, but Ingraham wants no part of it. She recoiled at the idea of an “immunity certificate" for work and travel because she didn't crawl up from hell and take the form of a white woman so the government could control her movements.

INGRAHAM: Now they tell us we can't go back to our old life until almost a new bureaucracy is created to save us.

Yeah, that does sound like a lot of work. I guess we should just let more people die, including five-year-old girls. Cuomo has proposed building a “tracing army." Former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg has volunteered to help, but Bloomberg apparently doesn't think China's President Xi Jinping is a dictator so Ingraham doesn't see how this can possibly work.

INGRAHAM: I'll be shocked if New York truly opens up. I mean, like the old New York.

Ah, the “old New York," a diverse, vibrant city Ingraham loved.


Ingraham suspects New York won't reopen before the election, because she is projecting Republicans' partisan obstructionism onto Democrats. New York will reopen when it's safe to reopen. Cuomo won't wait to release his 20 million hostages until after Joe Biden's inauguration.

She later said that Dr. Anthony Fauci “threw shade" on the testing issue. (It's weird to hear evil incarnate in a 50-something white woman's flesh sack use the expression “throw shade.") Dr. Fauci had stated that he wasn't “overly confident" in our current testing capabilities. Trump didn't agree but he also gargles with bleach. Ingraham was delighted that the president won't take any lip from science.

INGRAHAM: I love that! Because if we wait for Dr. Fauci's seal of approval to reopen America we may not have an America to reopen, at least not one we recognize. I have my own testing proposal. Wanna hear it?

Lady, there's no one else in the studio with you, and no.

INGRAHAM: Let's start testing the lame data and theories that have been shifting ever since this crisis began. It's very confusing. First masks didn't help. Now they're required in a lot of states. First we were told millions and millions of people could die. Then we were told the models that forecast millions and millions could die were bad. Then we were told the virus was far more lethal than the flu. Now we're told it's going to be closer to a really aggressive flu season.

Trump spits out inconsistent garbage regularly, but Ingraham seizes on how expert opinion has evolved with the situation to convince her viewers to stop listening to experts. It's a novel coronavirus, meaning there was much we didn't know about how it spread and how lethal it was. Fox News hacks keep comparing COVID-19 to the flu when almost 50,000 people have died in two months. If that rate remains consistent, the death toll is far greater than the worst flu season in our lifetimes.

INGRAHAM: Most Americans desperately want to get past this shutdown. Others want to prolong it if you can believe it -- for political reasons. The more damage is sustained the more likely a radical restructuring of America will follow.

The Democratic nominee is Joe Biden, not Juan Peron. We're not trying to take advantage of this crisis to raise your taxes, you soulless hack. We just don't want any more people, including children, to die.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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