Does Laura Ingraham WANT Your Kids To Get COVID? Objectively, Yes!
Conservatives apparently all got together recently and decided that children wearing masks as protection against an infectious disease is somehow child abuse. Tucker Carlson told his gullible viewers that if they saw masked children, they should call the police and have the poor kids removed from their parents. This was not a "Saturday Night Live" sketch.
Professional terrible person Laura Ingraham declared Monday on her white power hour that mask mandates for kids will "go down as a very dark chapter for the Democrats and the public health experts." Ingraham has a lot of nerve presenting herself as a children's rights advocate when she's yet to account for the whereabouts of Hansel and Gretel.
INGRAHAM: It's both anti-science and abusive to force children to wear a mask at playgrounds, summer camps, on planes, at any time. Yet that is still what the CDC is recommending, if you can believe it. It's totally illogical.
When I think of logic and sanity, I don't immediately think “Laura Ingraham," but now Dr. Racist Spock claims the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention — the national public health agency of the United States — is “anti-science." Last year, Ingraham compared “the whole mask thing" to climate change and ranted about some liberal conspiracy to exert “social control over large populations ... through fear and intimidation and suppression of free thought." She should start offering her viewers those sunglasses from They Live.
Conservatives are freaking out over kids wearing masks like they've never heard of Halloween or children's birthday parties. My seven year old has never complained about wearing a mask, and believe me, he's very free with his opinions.
Here are some kids “forced" to wear masks at a playground. They sure look miserable!
Also, check out these parents apparently “abusing" their child with an awesome Spider-Man costume. This was three years before the pandemic when we were all slightly less stupid.
The CDC recommends that all unvaccinated people two years and older "should wear masks in public settings and when around people who don't live in their household." Ingraham suggested that “Democrats and their union buddies" are hoping that mask mandates will force parents to behave sensibly and vaccinate kids 12 and older, who are now eligible. She laments that some parents might be “uncomfortable" with 20th Century medicine. Children are already vaccinated for polio, diphtheria, measles, mumps, etc. before they can enroll in most state schools, public or private. Children still have to use car safety seats, even if your QAnon aunt saw on Facebook that they sometimes transport kids to a hell dimension.
Ingraham ended her fearmongering segment with some flat-out nonsense:
Injecting children with an experimental vaccine for a disease they rarely get sick from and don't efficiently spread is a nonstarter for most parents.
Yes, children and adolescents who contract the coronavirus tend to have less severe cases, but some children have gotten very sick. According to the CDC, they might require "hospitalization, intensive care, or a ventilator to help them breathe. In rare cases, they might die." Some children have developed serious complications from COVID-19, including a rare but still scary AF medical condition called multisystem inflammatory syndrome in children (MIS-C). The disease is currently killing young children in Brazil at an alarmingly high rate.
Although studies show that children aren't likely sources of household outbreaks, their movements have been more restricted during the pandemic than most adults. There's still a lot we don't know. There's also the unsettling prospect of "persistent, long-term effects of the viral infection — such as fatigue, respiratory issues and stomach problems." Masks are a reasonable precaution, and actual children complain more about wearing shoes or pants.
The true Bizarro World logic from Ingraham here is that while we don't know enough about the vaccines to fully trust them, we do know enough about a fucking novel pandemic and how it affects children that we should throw both caution and their masks to the wind.
Fox News has already made a generation of viewers dumber and crueler. Now, they won't stop spreading viral disinformation until people actually die.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."