The frustrating 2008 Democratic primary season has been made even more insufferable by the Obama campaign staff's refusal to talk smack about any of their coworkers. This leaves a bitter press corps with no fun tidbits to write about, which is why it's still good that Hillary Clinton is in the race. Basically, Barack Obama is like the George Bush of 2000, commanding a team of eerily happy and loyal drones who will all become torture-loving yes-men once they seize the reins of power. The secrets to Barack's success, after the jump.

Here's how Democratic strategist Jim Jordan thinks Barack Obama's campaign is like George Bush's:

"Intense loyalty to and belief in the candidate. Simple, clear lines of authority with real discipline among the staff and consultants. Deep, talented teams. Maybe most importantly, candidates who trust their campaign, who understand what they're doing, who deliver as well as demand loyalty, who intuitively relate to and handle their campaigns with just the right touch."

Chief Obama strategist David Axelrod has a simpler explanation for a team that has maintained a weird sense of calm through all the excitement and turmoil of Campaign '08: "There are no assholes. There are going to be no assholes on this campaign."

It sounds like a great plan -- but if it's true, what orifice does the candidate use to shit roses?

Obama team remains unshaken [Politico]