White House

One Last Grift On His Way Out The Door

T----p pardons some weird shit.

It's a perfect, perfect list. No, really.

Trump's last-second pardons are out, and there could not be a more consummate encapsulation of the last four years, which are now over. The venality, the favoritism, the naked corruption, the gross tokenism ... it's all there.

"No one's done more for the blacks," he'll say. "I pardoned Tiny Wayne and that mayor, the one Diamond and Silk told me about. Those people love me."

"And no one's done more for the Jews! I pardoned that Israeli spy handler. It meant a lot to them."

He won't talk about the absolute gravy train of corruption that led to dozens of white collar convictions being wiped away after a blizzard of lobbying fueled by cash and connections. Why would he? To him it's normal that a wealthy sports gambler should pay Trump's former attorney John Dowd to work his White House connections to get an insider trading conviction commuted. Why shouldn't former prosecutor Brett Tolman collect money from clients lobbying to get a pardon, while simultaneously advising the White House on the issuance of pardons? How would a president know who deserves clemency without a cottage industry of hustlers looking to sell their access or do some business in the favor economy?

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Legal

Latinos For Trump Wants Election Tossed Because Congress DOES NOT EXIST

He's got about an hour, he'd best hurry.

A new contender enters the ring! Move over, Sidney Powell! Step aside Roodles! Back up, Lin Wood! It's time for Paul M. Davis, Former Associate General Counsel of Goosehead Insurance, Inc. (Terminated after peacefully protesting) Now Solo Civil Rights Attorney.

AKA, this jackass.

Paul Davis is representing Latinos for Trump, Blacks for Trump, Joshua Macias, apparently the founder of Vets for Trump who was recently released from jail and re-arrested after the Capitol riots, and four other pseudonymous plaintiffs.

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Legal

My Pillow Guy Dropped By Kohls, Picked Up By Dominion Voting's Lawyers

Cray. Zee.

Mike Lindell didn't get where he is in this life by being shy. The former addict turned pillow pumper built a successful company by just going for it, and he's not about to stop now. The problem with just saying whatever's on your mind, though, is that sometimes it gets you in trouble — particularly when your mind is filled with syphilitic ferrets shouting COUP! COUP! COUP!

And so it is that Lindell finds his company dropped by multiple major national retailers just as he receives a preservation letter from the company he's been shit talking for months. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

For reasons not entirely clear, the White House has consulted Lindell on everything from coronavirus treatments to election security. Lindell, who failed to graduate from the University of Minnesota, has expertise in neither area. But he's been an ardent supporter of the president, and in the Trump administration, that's good enough.

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White House

Trump Trying To Stuff One More Of Devin Nunes's Idiots Under Desk At NSA Before He Leaves

Miss Nancy will SEE ABOUT THAT.

Remember that time in 2017 when Rep. Devin Nunes ninja-ed out of an Uber to race over to the White House for classified info on the Russia investigation, only to hold a press conference on the White House driveway purporting to bring that same info to the White House? Do you think the asshole who gave him that info should installed as the top lawyer at the National Security Agency just hours before Trump leaves office? What if we told you NSA Chief Paul Nakasone was vehemently against it?

And yet! Acting Defense Secretary Christopher Miller just ordered Nakasone to do just that, as Donald Trump's minions do their best to break all the shit they can't stuff in their pockets on the way out the door.

The Washington Post was first to report that Miller had forced the NSA to put Nunes's former House Intel lawyer Michael Ellis in the job over the weekend. Ellis was selected for the position in November — i.e. right after the election — despite scoring lower in the civil service interview process than other competitors. The New York Times confirms that Ellis was "one of three finalists, although he did not receive the highest score from the panel evaluating the candidate." Despite that, the Pentagon insists that the hiring process was entirely regular and in order.

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