This Lemon and Rosemary Gin Fizz is so beautiful, I can’t even. If you are holding a voter registration card with valid ID, come get your drink on for Election Day. It’s a tradition!

If you voted in October, have a drink. If you waited in line and got your vote on earlier today, please -- have a drink. Are you watching the votes being tabulated on one of several electronic devices? You need a drink. In the US, this is how we do. We place our bets at the polls and we combine the best part of a celebration and wake into one delicious bev. Drink if you vote, and vote because you care.

We are having gin because this is what journalists smell like, and boy are they going to say things tomorrow. Lemon is for helping us to pucker up and kiss rears, the political kind, ones we never wanted to see without underwear. Sweeten it up with some raw sugar syrup, fragrant rosemary (rosemary is good for your mind), and fizzy seltzer water. Served on crushed ice (OMG the climate), and we got us a real and for true drank. Best part? You can have more than two of these and still go to work tomorrow.


2 c. water

2 c. raw sugar

2 big sprigs of fresh rosemary

3-4 thick lemon peels

Shake of salt

In a saucepan, bring the water and sugar to a boil. Stir to make sure all of the sugar and salt dissolves. Boil for 2-3 minutes and remove from heat. Add the lemon peel and rosemary, and let this sit for 15 minutes. Strain into a large glass cup or dish and set aside.

5 lemons, juiced

1 lemon sliced

4. oz. sugar syrup (more to taste)

8 oz. gin

Seltzer water

Crushed ice

Rosemary sprigs and lemon slices for garnish

In an adult-sized martini shaker, combine the juice, syrup and gin. Shake it about fifty times, hard. When the citrus bounces off gin it gets fizzy, and this is exactly what we want. Add ice to a tall glass, pour in some seltzer, add the sweet fizz, and garnish. Serve.

Don’t you have a drinking game to attend? Better hurry. Enjoy!

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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