Do you word good? Do you like money too? Do you swear a loyalty oath to Donald Trump and are NOT a stupid liberal and are willing to lie alllll the time? Then has a job for you!

We have copy and pasted the whole thing below, even though it is super boring, because you know they gonna yank that shit.

Writer, Freelance. Pro-Trump News Writer

Your duties will include assisting our editorial team produce high-quality content for our magazine-style website. More specifically, your task is to develop well-written articles about topics that are provided for you. Throughout the process, you will work very closely with our editorial team and will be expected to learn many things along the way as you become a better writer and editor yourself.

At the start of every day you will have sources. You will use these sources to write an article. You will find pictures, videos, tweets, and more to add to each article. Each article is expected to be no less than 1,000 words.

We are a rapidly expanding company and have already had our first wave of writers move up with promotions to editorial positions. If you are looking to work hard and learn a lot while growing with us, the up-side is huge.

Responsiveness over email, Skype, phone, and any other form of communication utilized is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL to our success. If you can't respond promptly at all times you are expected to be working, don't bother applying.

If you are a highly-driven individual with a solid competency for writing, this may be the perfect position for you. You will be paid for each and every quality article that you help create. Therefore, if you maintain high accessibility and have a strong work ethic, you will be able to make good money.

Most of our writers require 2 hours to develop a strong piece of content. While there is no time limit to create an article, your pay is heavily dependent on the results you produce; please do not apply if you are just looking for "the next thing." We only retain writers who put in the effort. In return we have rewarded these writers greatly with large pay increases.

Furthermore, it will be very beneficial for you to have a strong background in politics. Does this mean you need to understand the fine workings our out government's political process? Absolutely not. However, you will be served well by having concurrent knowledge on the state of politics in the country.

Additionally, you MUST identify as a Conservative. The more Conservative that you consider yourself, the better. This will make it much easier for you to develop strong articles. We LOVE Trump and are absolutely disgusted with the level of corruption shown by the Democratic Party in the last few months.

Bottom Line, if you are highly driven, willing to learn, and excited to stick with us for the long term as we grow and expand, this may be the perfect job for you!


-You have trouble using Microsoft Suite, Skype, or any other Basic Software

-You are a liberal

-You don't LOVE Trump

-You plan on just "getting by"

-It takes you multiple hours, or even days to respond

We pay $20 per article when you first start out. Once you get up to speed, you will be expected to write 5 articles a day for a total of 25-35 articles a week. If you have ANY issues with this, look elsewhere. There are no negotiations regarding this.Thank-you for your time.

So, first things: $20 may sound pretty crap for a post, but it's not cheap by blog standards; at Wonkette, we pay $25 for freelance posts, which is sad and we are sorry, but it's more than Arianna Huffington pays, so fuck it.

So let's check out a typical article at! The parts in bold are parts *they bolded*, for *their emphasis*.

Hillary Just Promised To "Punish" All White Cops Once In Office

[Words words words, many words, none of which are "I will punish white cops."]

Here is a brief portion of what she said concerning racism and what her plans will be moving forward:

We gotta tackle the systemic racism, this horrible shooting again, how many times do we have to see this in our country? she said in an appearance on the Steve Harvey show. Clinton was specifically referring to the police shooting of Terence Crutcher in Tulsa, Oklahoma, saying he had his “hands in the air” when he was killed.

This is unbearable and it needs to be intolerable.

Clinton told Harvey that if the African-American community came out and voted for her, she would work to stop racial shootings by police officers.

Maybe I can by speaking directly to white people say, ‘Look this is not who we are,’” she said. “We’ve got to do everything possible to improve policing, to go right at implicit bias.

The problem is easily noticeable. Hillary is appeasing to blacks for votes, and she is deliberately telling police officers they are acting racist and acting unfair to black communities. I wish this was a joke, but she has admitted it herself several times.

We need to stop is allowing divisive, selfish, and wicked people into the White House. Eight years of Obama has all but destroyed this great country. Imagine how much worse it can get under Hillary Clinton.

[More words, blah blah blah, vote Trump, he is great.]

So that's a typical article. It was fun, wasn't it? Hillary Clinton will "punish" white police officers by working to stop racial shootings, BURN HER.

No, really, burn her, like this nice very first commenter:

The rest of the comments are about "baboons" running free.

So there is your new Internet home for racists who love racism and also Donald Trump! Let us know how the job application process went! Also, feel free to post your spec pieces in the comments, or actually, that's a terrible idea, really please don't.

*Wonkette is obviously qualified for this job, because says posts must be 1,000 words, minimum, and this post is EXACTLY 1,001 WORDS, TAKE THAT, FUCKERS.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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