Let's Drink The Sweet Delicious Nazi Tears About Meghan Markle, Queen Of You!

Still Photo of Duchess of Sussex Killing Nazis

Stop the presses! Can you believe that the alt-right stormtroopers of new wave nazism are terribly depressed and crying bitterly over the very idea that Meghan Markle is mixed? Oh my! And even worse than her not being quite white is the fact that she is half black. If you mosey on over to the Daily Stormer (don’t actually do this, we did it for you) you will find yourself sucked into a world of white angst, bad grammar, and lord help us, WHITE GENOCIDE. She is murdering the royal bloodline right this second.

Time for this site to be banned again.

So what exactly is killing off white people in such extremely high numbers that we are now faced with the crisis of not having any white people left on earth? Prince Harry and Meghan Markle got married. To each other. Not only did they get married, but they are also sixth in line to the throne. It’s a Blackpocalypse! Hug your white children. The bishop was too black, her mother was too black, SHE was too black, the choir was too black, and horror of horrors, there were black celebrities there, and they beat Whitey at beer pong at the afterparty.

Now this may come as a shock to the millions and millions of white people running around on earth, but apparently, having a black Duchess is the worst thing ever done to white people ever in history. Just ask the deranged idiots at the alt-right hate site The Daily Stormer. Or don’t ask them because you really don’t want to hear their bullshit whining about how oppressed they are every time a minority cracks a smile on a sunny day. Or marries a white person, which is totally murder. Which makes Nazis cry sweet delicious tears of defeat that we can drink like the veriest nectar so we are pretty satisfied with the outcome.

Not only are the idiots of the America alt-right being crybaby racist bitches about the whole thing, Europe also has its share of idiots and weirdly negrophilia-like tendencies. German broadcaster ZDF was dragged for what everybody could clearly see was racist coverage of the wedding.

“Repeatedly describing Meghan Markle and black guests as "exotic."

"Meghan always wanted a Barbie doll family. But there were only white and black Barbie families [rather than mixed-race Barbies]."

Question: "Are those dreadlocks on Meghan's mother?" Answer: "It's curly hair that's been somewhat de-curled, same as Meghan probably does all the time."

"The choir sang beautifully black."

Oh, black people are so EXOTIC!! We taste like chocolate!!!

Okay, first of all, shut up, you’re ignorant. Black Barbie can marry White Ken if she wants to. Second of all, you don’t know anything about black hair so why give such a wrong and stupid answer that you just made up right that second? It’s okay to say, “I don’t know." Yes they are dreadlocks, and no, it’s not “curly hair that has been somewhat decurled,” and also, no, you can't touch it. We know you want to, but it's weird. Cultural appropriation may be seriously irritating and problematic in the United States, but one thing we can say is, at least we know SOMETHING about black people here. Another thing, just what, pray tell, is singing “beautifully black”? Whatevs. And by the way, ZDF did NOT apologize. At all.

Twitter also didn’t disappoint with its particular brand of short form racism and hysterics over the interracial marriage of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

Oh, Lord. Looks like the Brits have imported the oldest racist joke ever told in the Americas. How impressive.

Oh, look! It’s about WHITE GENOCIDE without using the words WHITE GENOCIDE! How the hell is it possible that having ONE black person in the royal family causes this high level of outrage and cries of fauxpression? How often has there been a royal wedding without even ONE black speaker? Every other time. This is similar to the outrage over having a black man in our White House. Hopefully nobody flies to California to find her long form birth certificate and tries to impeach her.

In light of the outrage from the saviors of whiteness, we can only assume that the wedding was a success and more people should have more mixed children. Because, really, anything that makes a Nazi cry has got to be the best shit ever.


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