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Levi Johnston May Have Fathered Another Baby, Is Probably Angling For WH Budget Director Job

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The fate of our democracy hinges on the life of a single man: Levi Johnston. AND IT IS FOR THIS REASON that we follow him closely. There may be other issues that are more interesting to cover, but we have a duty to blog about Levi Johnston and the sex he may or may not be having,even though it is boring. And thus, we must tell you that Levi Johnston is "one of three possible fathers" of the baby that now resides in his ex-girlfriend Lanesia Garcia. The stock markets are fluctuating wildly on word of this important news.


As Congress is plagued by partisan gridlock, our hero Levi Johnston GETS STUFF DONE. Enough said.

But of course, isn't it convenient that this Levi news comes just as Peter Orszag is having a Politico photographer snap shots of him packing up boxes in his office? There is an opening over at the budget office! Levi meets the media's requirements for this position, as Orszag was known for having lots of sex and having an ex-girlfriend be pregnant with a baby of his even though he is engaged to another lady. That, and wearing a toupee. WAIT, IS LEVI SECRETLY BALD TOO?

Anyway, hurry up and confirm Levi to the OMB post, Congress. Do you want that radical ELIZABETH WARREN doing that job? Hmm? Do you? [Radar]

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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