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Liberal Elitist Democrat Wins 'Twenty Dollar' Bob Allen's Florida Seat

Democrat Tony Sasso (Sasso, Sasso, has a nice ring to it) has defeated some guy by 400 votes to win the special election for Florida House District 32. It's an important election on all levels, but coincidentally, this is the seat from which ex-Republican state Rep. "Twenty Dollar" Bob Allen resigned last year, after he was found guilty of offering blowjobs to everyone in the bathroom. Congratulations, SASSO! We half-wish the Republican challenger had won, however, since he would have been hilariously gay as well. [Orlando Sentinel]

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Before we get all het up about Donald Trump's press conference with Vladimir Putin, Tucker Carlson says, we need to look at the larger perspective. Maybe Russia hacked us, maybe they didn't, but what about how Mexicans have interfered in our elections for decades just by being born here, huh?

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pic of Butina and her handler via Butina's Twitter

Have you been enjoying the last 24 hours of the mainstream media suddenly realizing there's a Russian intelligence asset in the White House, which is something we at Wonkette have known since October of 2016? Hilarious, right? Anyway, DOJ just found another Russian spy in its big "witch hunt." Her name is Maria Butina and she was arrested on Sunday, because the feds were pretty sure she was about to run. Now she is being held in federal custody without bond.

Butina, who is being called a Russian gun rights activist in the news reels, has been indicted for being a total fucking Russian spy who secretly worked to infiltrate the NRA and use it to create secret back channels between the Kremlin and the Republican party. WITCH HUNT!

Keep one idea in your head during this post, please: There is no such thing as a Russian gun rights activist, at least not in the way that we know it. They do not have a "second amendment" in Russia. It is not a gun culture. And Vladimir Putin's political party certainly isn't trying to Samantha Stephens one into existence! So it would follow that if a "Russian gun nut" is up the NRA's ass trying to create back channels, she is actually just a Russian spy who probably isn't even that good at guns.

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