Liberal Manhattan-Dwelling Cross-Dressing Ferret-Face Would Like To Know More About This 'NASCAR'

Oh, admit it -- you can't get enough of it

Ha ha! Rudy went to Florida to kiss some southern primary voter ass at a NASCAR race, and he had to learn about cars and stuff from a girl book!

When he was mayor, Mr. Giuliani was not shy about indulging in such New York treats as the opera or expensive Italian restaurants. But he now finds himself on different terrain as he runs for president, and so he has started educating himself on the sport that claims some 75 million fans who skew distinctly Republican. To that end, he told reporters that he had just finished reading "The Female Fan Guide to Motorsports."

"This is embarrassing," Mr. Giuliani said.

The book was given to him by the author, Betsy Berns, a Giuliani fund-raiser, perhaps with the hope that the man who had once playfully dressed in women's clothes for a campy skit might be comfortable with a Nascar tutorial for the ladies.

Ha ha! Rudy likes music in foreign languages and food from non-chain restaurants! What a fucking homo.

Mr. Giuliani seemed to strike a chord with the crowd. As the couple made their way around Daytona International Speedway, looking at cars and talking with drivers and fans, they were greeted with shouts of "Rudy!" Of course, as one fan said, Rudy is a fun name to yell after a few beers.

New campaign strategy: GET EVERYBODY DRUNK.

Rudy's desperate nonsense did not go over so well with sober voters:

The campaign trip gave Mr. Giuliani a chance to work on a new part of his standard speech, in which he questions the opinion that the country is heading in a wrong direction. "I ask you this question: If America is going in the wrong direction, where is the rest of the world going?" he said at a town hall meeting on Saturday in Jacksonville, Fla. "Where is Russia going? Where is England going? Where is France going? Where is Africa going? If we are going in the wrong direction, the rest of the world is falling off a cliff." The line was greeted with tepid applause.

Giuliani's campaign staff announced that the candidate would announce his new campaign slogan, "America: If you think it sucks, get a load of fucking Mozambique," early next week.

That's it from your guest editor today, everybody! Alex is coming back tomorrow. Be nice to Ken this evening, he doesn't feel so hot.

An Introduction to the Nation of Nascar [NYT]


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