Libertarian Sports Corner: Finally, Big Government Removes its Vaseline-Covered Hands from My Split-Fingered Fastball
Hiya, folks. It's me, special guest opinion-page writer and superstar pitcher Livan Hernandez of your world-famous Washington Nationals. I'm writing here with a renewed vigor here, people. Big news to report.
I've got some hot information that'll surely effect myriad people of the Miami-based persuasion, I'm telling ya...the U.S. Treasury Department has announced that it'll (finally!) let Cubans play in the upcoming World Baseball Classic, ending what had heretofore been some sort of elaborate standoff against Castro's island nation. Or against the International Baseball Federation. I'm not really sure. I mean, I'm trying to get ready for spring training, and this big news drops in my lap? What's a budding pitching-superstar-turned-sports-pundit to do?
Report the news and spin it from my unique perspective, I guess. Like my killer curveball!
All I know is that this overturns a decision from this past December, when the State Department had declared Cuba ineligible to participate in the sporting contest, a verdict that was probably tied to the U.S. embargo against the nation currently playing host to our own little World Championship Prison Series, the Guantanamo Bay Koran-Flushing Tournament. Let's be fair, huh? My former people let you guys play your games on our soil, so it's time you let us play the sport we so love on your land!
Oh, and the AP's news release on this matter quotes a few Cuban "locals" for their thoughts on the matter:
"Oh, magnificent! Tremendous!" exclaimed Osvaldo Herrera, who was standing on a street corner in Havana with three other sports lovers discussing Cuban baseball.
Let me just use this outlet to let the world know that Osvaldo may think this is "magnificent" and "tremendous", but he wasn't saying that when I faced him down many many years ago when I still resided on Castro's island lair. In fact, I recall in the midst of a dramatic pick-up game, I faced this particular Osvaldo character down...and he flailed his bat like a Little Leaguer, as you Americans might say, and the only "magnificence" I encountered from him that fateful day was the great whiffing sound of his wooden bat as my fastball soared right by him.
I am a champion, you see. And I just so happen to be Cuban.
Anyways, I got off point there. Here's to the likely end of the U.S. trade embargo against Cuba! First baseball, and then native crops, and finally, semiconductors!
See ya on the mound this spring!