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Lifestyles of the Rich and Rural

With Christmas passed, you don't hear as much about the less fortunate, the forgotten members of our society for whom each day brings new obstacles. Thanks, then, to the Washington Post, for their font-page story highlighting the struggles of a class beset by problems most of us could not even imagine having: The poor souls who own 7,000 square-foot homes on 100 acre lots in Loudoun county. Sure, you think they have it easy, owning million-dollar homes up to 10 times larger than the national average. But just listen to their plight! "Their friends never visited." No! One woman allows, "We weren't fully prepared for the impact of the weather." Not the weather! Another family "couldn't find a nanny who would come to their house." It's true: They couldn't find a nanny. The put-upon father of another migrant family admits he "was spooked by the strange night-time noises." Another breadwinner said there are more chores than he bargained for: "I still get some golf in, but not as much." Can you imagine? NOT AS MUCH GOLF.


The sad ending of most of these stories? The families are forced to sell their homes -- sometimes only making small profit -- and move to smaller, just-as-expensive homes. We just hope they're able to get in some more golf.

Dream Homes Come With Rural Wake-Up Call [WaPo]

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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