Lightning Round! Liveblogging the Jabbering Old Nuts

Rudy McRomneyson! - WonketteMore, more, more!

We've got more hot liveblogging action from this greatest of all political debates in the history of this greatest of great nations, America, after the jump.

8:10 -- New post, bitches!

8:09 -- BRB, need booze.

8:08 -- Who calls it "half time," deranged undead muppet Larry King?


8:07 -- Mitt Romney will also not answer the question.

8:06 -- Rudy is fumed about Scooter's sentence! Rudy is a lawyer!

8:05 -- Duncan wants the Reagan Democrats back. But the "Reagan Democrats" probably have realized those jobs they were promised back in 1980 probably aren't actually going to show up.

8:03 -- Huckabee knows the government "bungled Katrina." Some of those people survived!

8:02 -- Tancredo is lying again about not having to do anything with Dubya.

8:02 -- Brownback only approves of G.H.W.B.'s tsunami charity work, not Bill Clinton's.

8:01 -- Tommy Thompson would totally force George W. Bush to go out and give lectures apologizing for all the shit he fucked up around the world.

8:00 -- The U.S. military is wonderful! Hooray for McCain! He also relies on these brave leaderships, change nothing, time of war, my friends, policy, convinced, maintain greatest military, my friends, WALNUTS!

7:59 -- New cop-out response: "This is not the time to change policy in a time of war."

7:58 -- But Giuliani does support the NAMBLA hybrid-robot army or something.

7:57 -- Rudy supports gay Islamo-Fascists.

7:56 -- Hey libtards, are you doing any "disruptive" sex of the homo or hetero variety? Well maybe Ron Paul is not your best-ever candidate.

7:54 -- Jim Gilmore believes ... Kyoto something?

7:54 -- Ron Paul can't discuss energy without discussing our foreign policy.

7:52 -- McCain: "Nuclear power is green ... er, nuclear power isn't a greenhouse gas." This was his answer to "Is the GOP too close to Big Oil?"

7:51 -- Mitt also sure walks around that Big Oil/Republicans question. And remember, this guy is worth $350 million dollars.

7:50 -- Mitt also wants to send Rudy to the Moon.

7:49 -- Giuliani should bring little smoke bombs to these debates and set them off under his lectern, to remind people that one day long ago he stood around the WTC pit.

7:48 -- Is that Fred Thompson in the audience? Or did an old lumberjack run inside to escape the lightning?

7:47 -- Come on, Mitt, say it ... SAY THAT JESUS LIVED IN NORTH AMERICA!

7:47 -- Wait, there are people who won't shake hands with a Mormon?

7:46 -- Brownback doesn't really believe in the Bible, either. Why all the hatin' on God Almighty?

7:43 -- Huckabee is actually pretty good evidence that all of this is an accident. He also is pissing off the bible nuts right now by going for the "intelligent design" cop-out. So, Huck believes in the first part of the Genesis story, but he doesn't know what he believes, otherwise. MIKE HUCKABEE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE.

7:42 -- L. Ron Romney just muttered some new-agey future bullshit to defend abortion or something.

7:41 -- Let's see if Mitt's god has the power of lightning.

7:40 -- Ha ha, God is personally going to electrocute Rudy!!!

7:39 -- Tommy Thompson hopes for a jump in the polls due to Fred Thompson confusion.

7:37 -- We are going to kick Walnuts in the cunt if he says "My Friends" again.

7:36 -- John McCain will not take the Indians' right to speak Navajo.

7:35 -- Ron Paul is going to solve illegal immigration by ... not making illegal aliens the scapegoat.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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John Sanders high-fives a child who is not in a filthy border jail run by his agency. (US CBP photo)

The news is coming at us so fast we have to double up stories -- like little children being crammed into border detention cells without enough blankets for everyone, that is what it is like. Tuesday, we learned Acting Customs and Border Protection Commissioner John Sanders, who has only been in the job for two months, will resign effective July 5, and will be replaced by current Acting ICE Director Mark Morgan.

The news of Sanders's resignation came by pure coincidence just hours after a CBP official told the Washington Post that 100 children would be returned to a Border Patrol detention facility in Clint, Texas; this was quite a surprise given that CBP had rushed to get over 300 kids out of that same border jail starting Monday, after lawyers reported the kids were filthy and poorly fed, and that the care of very young children had been left to slightly older kids -- like seven and eight years old. Probably just a coincidence that Sanders is deserting ship just as the news is full of just how horrible those baby jails were -- in this administration, that's something to be proud of.

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