Like The Poor, Cory Booker And Michele Bachmann Will Always Be With Us


Sure, everybody is all up in your grill today with fresh new news like the fact that the NSA is in your bedroom watching you RIGHT NOW or something, but here at Wonkette we also provide the valuable service of discussing completely obvious news because...well, because we really need to keep feeding you people new content so you will come look at us over and over and maybe give us monies. So what is most utterly unsurprising today? Give us more pageviews and clicky-clicky to see. right after the jump!

You guys guess what Cory Booker is going to run for Senate! This surprises NO ONE EVER. We assume Cory Booker was on Frank Lautenberg deathwatch for forever. We also have nothing new to say about Cory Booker AT ALL, but if you've been living on an asteroid for the last few years, you can hop on over to that AP profile and learn about twitter, rescuing people, food stamps something something.

You guys guess what Michele Bachmann is going to run for...well, SOMETHING!

In her first interview since she announced she wasn't running for reelection, Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann hinted she may run for another, unspecified office.

"I'm not retiring. I'm not going silent," Bachmann said on Fox News. "I'm not quitting my public involvement. In fact I may run for another public office."

Bachmann offered no clues about the type of office she might seek.

ohpleaseohpleaseohplease let her decide to run against Al Franken for the 2014 Minnesota Senate seat. Pleeeeeeaaaaazzzee. It would be worth it for the fundraising emails from Al, which in the past have included such salutations as "Dear Person I Am Asking For Money." Or that nifty "People In Stock Photos for Franken" bit. Just THINK of what he could do running against the perpetual comedy machine that is Michele Bachmann. We'll also settle for another quixotic run at the presidency where she is sound and fury, signifying nothing. Or far less than nothing -- sound and fury, dividing by zero. Lord knows if we're going to keep our writing jobs, Bachmann is going to be a WAY better thing to write about than Cory Booker, who will probably just lift, with one hand, an overturned truck full of puppies about to catch on fire and then he will win the election and how on earth will we make fun of that? TEAM BACHMANN 4LYFE.



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