Live Blog! Obama Takes Vacation From Vacation To Solve All The Problems

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Even though President Obama is supposed to be on vacation (impeach!) on Martha's Vineyard, dahhhling, riding his bicycle and golfing and spending time with his family and hugging it out with Hillary Clinton, he has jetted back to Washington to huddle with his advisers about how everything is terrible. Iraq. Ferguson. Donald Trump (especially that).

Let's watch the president address the nation to explain how he's going to solve everything so he can get back to his vacay.

4:04 PM: Obama was supposed to begin speaking four minutes ago, so let the #WhyisObamaLate game begin!

4:09 PM: Maybe Obama is just waiting for Rick Perry's legal team to finish its press conference?

4:16 PM: Hmm, probably.

4:22 PM: The best part of any press White House conference is the time before it starts when you get to listen to the press corps amusing itself. Riveting stuff! (That's sarcasm.)

4:24 PM: Why didn't Obama schedule this thing for <i<after his 4:20 smoke break with Biden and Holder?

4:25 PM: Two minute warning for the president, so he should be here any hour now.

4:27 PM: And heeeeeere's Obama.

4:29 PM: Iraq first. Obama says the airstrikes are working, and we've retaken the dam in Mosul, so hooray for us? This proves we can work with the Iraqis we can work with to be victorious over the Iraqis we can't work with.

4:30 PM: Anyone else think he's aged 4-6 years since the last time he came out to talk about these two topics?

4:32 PM: "The United States military will continue to carry out the limited mission I've authorized." What's the mission again? Didn't we already accomplish it?

4:33 PM: Obama is sending pretty much the entire Department of Justice to Ferguson, Missouri, since the local authorities are doing SUCH a bang-up job.

4:34 PM: "Ours is a nation of laws," Obama says. So stop rioting and burning shit down and "hollering at each other."

4:35 PM: "In too many communities around the country, a gulf of mistrust exists between citizens and law enforcement." Uh oh. Obama's talking about race again. Fox will NOT be happy about this.

4:38 PM: Asked about the our law enforcement looking a lot like our military these days, Obama says, "One of the great things about the United States is our ability to maintain a distinction between our military and our law enforcement." That would be nice, huh?

4:39 PM: Obama says deploying the National Guard in Ferguson was not his idea, and yes, he did speak to Gov. Jay Nixon about that. Gosh, what do you think he had to say? "WTF, Jay?!?!" maybe?

4:41 PM: Asked about that whole Iraq disaster, Obama says we are not sending thousands of troops back to Iraq, which means we will be doing that in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

4:42 PM: "Our goal is to have effective partners on the ground" in Iraq, Obama says. Also ponies for everyone.

4:43 PM: Basically, if Iraq would just stop being Iraq, everything would be fine. Where have we heard that before?

4:45 PM: Obama is taking his last question from Ann Compton, a "consummate professional." Also, he got to hug her grandbaby recently, and he will miss her very much. Awww, that's nice.

4:46 PM: The consummate professional starts by observing that this is an interesting time in Obama's presidency. That's journalism for ya!

4:49 PM: "Part of the ongoing challenge of perfecting our union has involved dealing with communities who feel left behind, who as a consequence of tragic histories, often find themselves isolated, often find themselves without hope, without economic prospects. You have young men of color in many communities who are more likely to end up in jail or in the criminal justice system than in college." There he goes again, trying to start a race war.

4:51 PM: Dylan Byers is not impressed. Expect at least seven blog posts about how unimpressed he is.

4:53 PM: He just made a joke about having gray hair. Also, he'll be here all week, try the veal, tip your waitress, OH GOD, JUST GO BACK TO YOUR VACATION, YOU NEED IT.

4:54 PM: This is going to be the wingnuts' favorite quote from the press conference. Guaranteed. "There are young black men that commit crimes." See? Even the liberal Obummer admits it's true!

4:55 PM: And now Obama will return to his vacation, and we will return to drinking ALL the alcohol.

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