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Live-Blogging the State of the Union

Oh, by the way, this is Wonkette, back for a special live guest-blog appearance....


9:05 Ladies and Gentlemen: that guy.... did that guy just try to kiss him? I know I would.

9:06 Frist has dead cat under arm. No, wait, has dead cat as tie.

9:06 Laura claps like she's beating eggs.

9:06 Purple fingers okay. I wonder about the members with purple thumbs.

9:09 You think in Iraq they're practicing this? They're practicing symbolic acts, maybe. Symbolic acts alone in their rooms.

9:11 Cheney and Hastert, the heart attack twins

9:11 The state of our childrens' union will be traditional, that's what. None of that gayness.

9:12 Mccain looking... not happy

9:13 Hillary... not happy. Hillary..... on luudes.

9:16 Denny Hastert, made completely of clay

9:16 NO MORE ASBESTOS CLAIMS.... what a rallying cry

9:17 Could have used some of that improved medical technology to improve going-to-war-for-weapons-that-weren't-there kind of errors.

9:17 Cheney claps when it comes to healthcare. Or he claps when someone presses the button to make him do so

9:18 Ethanol!!!!! "BETTER FUEL EFFICIENCY" Doesn't have quite the ring of "axis of evil"

9:19 Hastert wants cheeseburger now.... good thing he has one in his pocket.

9:19 Taxes incoherent! Taxes totally drunk.

9:20 OOhhhh. Changing system top to bottom... he's talking my language!

9:20 Btw, whoever was the first goon to stand up and clap at every instance of "in the 1960s...." or whenever, they should be shot.

9:22 Operative translates: "I have a message for you that are 25: for you, you're getting a royal reaming. Also, Social Security was created decades ago.... as a dance troupe." Says another: "In those days, we gave a shit what happened to old folks."

9:24 NUMBERS? He's talking numbers? No wonder people are groaning. I thought we elected this president in order to avoid thinking about math!

9:25 Cheney: Groan all you want, weenies, we control all branches of government.

9:25 I like how he broght up "if you have kids in their 20s".... "Then can you tell me how to get them to stop drinking?"'

9:26 Love how he's warning us that all those options he read are painful. Didn't bother with that about Iraq. So, to summarize. Social Security reform: painful. Iraq: They will greet us with flowers. So imagine JUST HOW BAD SOCIAL SECURITY REFORM WILL BE.

9:31 After a long journey: i was a big boozer.

9:32 This is the Pander section

9:33 Clearly, the only good gay is an unborn gay.

9:33 Because society is measured by how it treats weak and vulnerable, we should make gays second class citizens.

9:34 For those of you wonder what Cheney was winking at? Bush can talk about stopping the sale of human life all he wants, but Cheney will continue to get the shipments of virgin blood.

9:35 Operative: "Oh, great: An ideal of manhood that respects women and rejects violence, brought to you by the president who wants to ban abortion and starts wars for no reason."

9:37 Cue Harold Ford: the whitest black man in room.

9:41 Technical assistance?Is that like plugs and an IT guy?

9:42 "In the next four years, my Administration will continue to build the coalitions that will defeat the dangers of our time." Just tell me it includes Poland...

9:43 Shit, have you been drinking when he says "freedom"? I am soooo drunk....

9:45 "The United States has no right, no desire, and no intention to impose our form of government on anyone else." Others have "a tiny group of brutal, self-appointed rulers control every aspect of every life." Well, I guess now that Ashcroft's not around....

945 When Cheney and Hastert get up the whole stage moves. Cheny coughed and paramedics jumped out of set.

9:46 Writes a concerned operative: "Did you see Cheny cough? His face turned the color of laura bush's dress. Now sucking on lozenge. Or nitroglycerin tablet."

9:48 Hey, we're invadeing Iran!!!

9:51 Democracy rocks.

9:51 All this getting up and sitting down is the most exercise Cheney's gotten in years. Tho he did get some exercise last week when he got a pice of grissle in his steak and he had to saw through it.

9:52 A LADY VOTER. We love them. Just don't get pregnant. Or be gay. Just go and vote. In another country. For the right person.... Wait....

9:56 OMG. Cheney CRYING. He must really love liberty. Or actually, really loves Bush. Really loves him. Kind of heartbroken about the gay marriage thing.

9:58 Bush will cry here. Perhaps out of relief.

10:02 Mother of dead soldier and Iraqi voter got tangled up.... sort of perfect metaphor for the war, except that it wasn't fatal.

10:05 Did Bush just kiss Lieberman? Wow. Cheney's soooo jealous....

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