Live-Blogging the Surge Speech: Let's Laugh Together
Sure, thousands and possibly millions more people will die before January 2009, but what the hell -- there's not much we can do about it! So let's laugh.
9:02: Oh great, so this whole thing is based on the fiction that things got bad last year.
9:03: Blame Iran ... and Al Qaeda!
9:04: Scared, drunk, on Valium?
9:05: Hey, James Baker! Drop dead, old man!
9:07: So the teleprompter's what, 15 inches away?
9:09: What?! Can't the Shia have at least a few safe havens for terrorists?
9:10: Yep, troops already on the way.
9:11: Suuuuure, the oil revenues will be shared with "all Iraqis."
9:12: So, um, with 20,000 more U.S. troops (only 4,000 of those in Anbar) we will defeat the grand caliphate plan to start the great fundamentalist Islamo-Fascist Global Empire? Wow, the 3,000 U.S. troops already killed in Iraq are going to be pissed when they learn only 4,000 troops are not only going to win in Iraq ... they're going to defeat the make-believe Global Fascist Islamo-Nazi Imperial Empire!
9:15: Wait, where's he sending another carrier group? Because, you know, the insurgents or whatever don't have a Navy, or an Army, or any weapons.
9:16: So he's just going to bomb Iran.
9:17: Well, we've got the intention to destroy Bush's way of life, too, but that doesn't mean we have any chance in hell of pulling it off.
9:19: Victory means a stable Iraq that doesn't harbor terrorists. So we really didn't hang Saddam and put it on YouTube?
9:20: "You either let me send another 20,000 Americans to the meat-grinder, or we'll really be over there forever."
9:21: Oh Jesus, he's listening to Vinegar Joe Lieberman? Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus ....
9:21: He's going to send civilians over there next. It's just like the Philip K. Dick books with the forced migration to Mars. Oh Jesus ....
9:22: Hmm, you've sure been able to dump the "burden of liberty" without guilt!
9:23: Good-bye CNN! When your immediate followup to the speech is Jabbering Larry King asking a Baghdad reporter about the response in Iraq -- at 5:23 a.m. local time -- we're going to risk it over at Fox and MSNBC.