Liveblogging A Tuesday That Will Live In Infamy
We're on to the fourth grueling hour of a night that will leave us broken, hollow husks of our former selves -- and poised for invasion by our alien overlords. Let's see how it plays out across the wasteland of America!
9:54: Obamans are happy for a close loss in New Jersey.
9:57: Let's go back to the maniacal burblings of Karl Rove on CNN. He says there's a big "pot" of voters in California. An obvious pander to the stoner vote.
9:59: Robots are calling voters on behalf of John McCain.
10:00: OMG can you believe it? MITT ROMNEY WON UTAH. Also: Barack Obama.
10:00: Brit Hume is astonished. This "Huckerbee" guy, he seems to have legs!
10:02: Brill Kristol points out that Southern conservative voters have, historically, not cottoned to fey Northeastern liberals such as Mitt Romney.
10:03: Deporting 12 million illegals would be a bigger operation than D-Day. Is America up to the challenge?
10:05: Yes, "CDs" refers to congressional districts, not compact discs. Har har!
10:06: There is a square inside a rectangle, and the square is called "Springfield."
10:07: Mike Huckabee is greeted like a conquering emperor in Little Rock...his illiterate constituency dangle handmade signs and yell...things...
10:08: One smooth stone is stronger than some amount of armor...and one rapidly inflating Arkansan is more powerful than all the Mormon lucre in the world! Have people noticed yet, how Huckabee is gaining like six pounds a minute?
10:10: Oh right, he is going to kill the IRS! But what will he do about the endangered unicorns?
10:11: Tripsydaily, agreed -- Janet needs to step away from the flesh tones, unless she is wearing a suit of human flesh, in which case she should be elected President immediately. America needs a leader who is willing to stand up to the flesh-havers and wear their skins on their backs!
10:13: Razorbacks, Cotton Bowl ... this is some sort of sports thing, right?
10:14: "Yes, we heard what the pundits said, and then we told them to go fuck themselves."
10:15: We need to bring this nation back together by giving every child a bazooka, and then charging him 23% tax for it.
10:17: Hmm, nice symmetry...44th governor of AR, 44th president of US. The numbers don't lie!
10:17: Connecticut goes to Obama. Hume says it's "an interesting call."
10:18: Oh Brit. Pin stripe, banker stripe, polka dot, so loud!...Is that a banker stripe? Can any of Teh Gays in the comments offer a ruling here?
10:19: Hayley Barbour (sp?): Romney needs to win California or he is fucked.
10:20: This guy's voice and a glass of bourbon are a little too soothing. Oh hooray Fox has a commercial break.
10:22: If Fox is a crowded men's room, CNN is the empty lobby. Where are all the goddamn people? Wolf looks tired.
10:22: AL, IL, DE, KS, CT, GA, ND to Obama. "Hillary Clinton has carried other states tonight."
10:23: Campbell Brown...wasn't Campbell Brown in that Dying Young cancer movie with Julia Roberts? I love what he's done with his hair.
10:25: Stone cold! "It's highly unlikely that you're going to get the nomination." Here comes the inevitable Pats/Giants comparison...and done. He will not walk off the field! He knows what it's like to start deep in the hole! Rrrow!
10:26: But have there been any backroom deals? Not that he'll talk about on the teevee! Man, this guy, like most of America, really does not like Romney.
10:27: Democracy-hating weather continues to plague the great state of Tennessee, even after it elected Hillary Clinton its 44th president. There are horrible neon stripes all over the state, as well as rotating graphics. Travelers, you have been warned!
10:29: Holy crap the weather has destroyed two dorms in Jackson! Also, a tornado.
10:30: Huckabee wins Alabama.
10:30: Let's hop over to MSNBC and see how well Chris Matthews is controlling his spit output.
10:31: Not very well, hurrah!
10:31: Wow, Mitt Romney totally stole Obama's signs. Or is that an Obama supporter in the crowd?
10:32: Romney's robot heart is touched and beats a little faster in his silicon chest. He has terrific support from his enormous family, including his brother who is OLDER NOT YOUNGER THAN HIM, thank you very much. One thing is clear: this campaign is going on until the last coffer of John Smith is emptied.
10:34: OK peoples we need a new post. Look for one sometime before tomorrow!