Liveblogging Barack Obama Trying To Win Health Care On One Of Those Celebrity Shows Part II


Welcome to the President's big health care speech! Everyone is so excited to write about this, because of all the "health care pun" possibilities. "Remedy" can fix things outside the context of medicine too! Ha ha! Let's begin, now thatwe have pre-gamed. Please drop your pants and cough twice.

8 PM: Obama is 45 seconds late. Unacceptable.

8:01 PM: Here is Michelle and her fashion bowtie. Ravishing and sparkly.

8:02 PM: Camera cuts away from Hillary Clinton. Why? Perhaps she is also wearing a fashion bowtie and this would be an embarrassing faux pas? Not very diplomatic, certainly.

8:04 PM: ...

8:05 PM: For people who (in theory) spend a lot of time talking together, there seems to be much hand-shaking.

8:06 PM: All the red suits in the crowd are like pimples on the face of democracy.

8:09 PM: The teleprompter looks bored.

8:11 PM: FINALLY HI, YES. Obama, America's President.

8:12 PM: Obama has given copies of his birth certificate to Biden and Pelosi. They are in envelopes, for security.

8:13 PM: Nancy Pelosi gives you: Barry!

8:14 PM: As you know, our economy was very bad. In fact, you might be especially aware of this because it is still quite bad!

8:15 PM: Obama has posted your resume to Craigslist.

8:16 PM: The economy has returned from the Brink, which sounds like somewhere in Afghanistan probably.

8:17 PM: Obama will not let the Bobby Jindal/Levi Johnston administration fix health care in 2016, because he is getting to it first.


8:19 PM: Our health care system needs reform, is basically his point with these statistics.

8:21 PM: Two empty seats in the third row! Who is missing?

8:22 PM: Commence recapitulations of terrible tragedies. Acne, mastectomy, gallstones. Let's all clap to prevent tragedies!

8:23 PM: Americans cannot afford to open small businesses because they are all dead.

8:24 PM: Medicare is also a tragedy! This is a FACT and our seniors must pay the price.

8:25 PM: Here's a Venn Diagram of What Everyone Believes. It is Marxism vs. letting everyone operate on themselves.

8:26 PM: Congress has worked very hard on reform while it was not in session.

8:27 PM: Obama is sort of excited, you can tell!

8:28 PM: Here is the middle of the Venn Diagram: We all agree that ALL dead Americans should be able to open small businesses.

8:29 PM: Politicians tend to get hyperbolic to achieve short-term goals. CUT THIS OUT YOU GUYS.

8:30 PM: The Plan is all about security, providing health care for people who don't have it, and health care will cost less for people who do. See? Problem solved. Everyone turn on Dancing With the Stars.

8:31 PM: JOHN MCCAIN, smirking like a terrible plague of cancerous acne gallstones.

8:32 PM: DR. JIM NEWELL WILL SEE YOU NOW. Please begin by describing your complete medical history.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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