Liveblogging George W. Bush Handing Taxpayers A Trillion-Dollar Bailout IOU

Liveblogging George W. Bush Handing Taxpayers A Trillion-Dollar Bailout IOU

Poor George Bush, he has had to Address the Nationtwo days in a row, that is how awful this financial crisis has gotten. He is walking out onto his nice patio surrounded by all the people who John McCain will fire once he's president: the chairman of the SEC, our old pal Henry Paulson, and Ben Bernanke. Let's hear how bad our individual tax bills will be once we've socialized every large business in the US. Will we have to eat our housepets? Will there be condiments still?

10:46 AM -- George W. Bush has aged 20 years in the past two weeks. He's even losing his hair! One of the sadder aspects of this whole meltdown dealy has been watching various politicians who never cared about economics, only war, being forced to talk about economics. He looks equal parts bored and worried.

10:47 AM -- Please please please let him take questions afterward, and please let somebody ask him if he believes the fundamentals of our economy are strong.

10:48 AM -- Oh right! Now money market funds are getting insured, because even they -- once considered about as stable as putting your money under your mattress -- are now looking a little shaky.

10:49 AM -- Greasing the gears. Liquidity. This sounds like an Olestra ad.

10:50 AM -- "Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." THAT IS WHAT HE SAID. Four more years!

10:51 AM -- The government is purchasing pretty much everything in America that isn't nailed down. Everything must go. Mortgages, banks, insurers, cats, kittens...

10:52 AM -- Please everyone NO BANK RUNS do NOT go to the bank and take out all your munnies, says President Bush. He is so disgruntled and distressed that his nose looks different...pointier...bitterer. It is his mother's nose: angry, dumb and vindictive.

10:53 AM -- And now for the happy part, where he reviews all of the awful things that have happened in the past eight years. This is the latest of a tragic long list of "challenges" that America has "weathered." Bush vows bipartisanship and getting back on the path of long-term growth.

10:54 AM -- You know how the wives of philandering politicians always have to stand up at the podium while their husbands admit to the public that they fucked some hooker once? George W. Bush has three wives standing by him as he admits to the public that we are all going to have to take it up the ass, for America.


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