Liveblogging Hillary's Barack's Latest Loser Winner Speech

Why is she still running? Will she just give her stump speech again? Most importantly: WHY IS SHE SPEAKING FROM CHENEY HIGH SCHOOL? Apparently, she will try to get the Republican nomination now.

UPDATE: That devilish plagiarizer Barack Obama interrupted Hillary and is now giving his speech. It is better than Hillary Clinton's speech, and we will type about it.

9:30 -- She said BUFFINBERGER.

9:33 -- Apparently a loser speech is a great time to shill for donations.

9:34 -- "One of us is ready to be Commander-in-chief in a dangerous world." Oh, I remember this part from John McCain's speech.

9:35 -- Again: CHENEY HIGH SCHOOL.

9:35 -- End to Cowboy Diplomacy. This will not bode well for Firewall Texas.

9:36 -- LOLBAMA: They are interrupting Hillary's loser speech for Barack's winner speech. We love it Barry, you sick shark god.

9:38 -- Wow, starts off with a Southern accent AND a cheesy NASA joke, as he is in Houston. You're better than this, Barry.

9:41 -- Vote for me today, because that is something you can do. So go vote for me early today. Then, on primary day, go caucus for me. Also, if you're going to Safeway, can you pick up some pork rinds and diet tonic water for me? Thanks Texas.

9:43 -- Oh I won 'Sconsin! Uh uh... here's a line: Houston, I have won Wisconsin. Or, my Wisconsin win was Texas-size.

9:46 -- I'll still talk pretty, but this election requires more. I'll talk about policy positions, but this election requires more. This election requires more than good speaking and sound policy. Washington is fucked?

9:48 -- Some moron woman with blind children signed a crappy mortgage. "She needs change today," Barry says. No shit.

9:49 -- He just gave a little cough -- he has Muslim AIDS in addition to his cold and his regular AIDS!

9:50 -- People told Barry he should wait to run. The crowd goes, "BOO" for several hours.

9:51 -- This genius says, "there's something wrong about being too late." Yeah, it's called pregnancy. You WOULD think pregnancy is wrong, you fairy, since all you want to do is kill babies.

9:53 -- Also, Dr. King told me that the pull-out method doesn't work.

9:54 -- "Change comes from the bottom up." So when I'm president, y'all can fix shit, I'll be at the top snorting my drug powders.

9:55 -- OK, you want to unite every race. But do we really have to include the Asians in this?

9:56 -- I stopped typing for a few seconds and actually looked at the screen. Sweet Shark God, he is sweating like it's summer in Luo-nian Kenya! TAKE YR TEMPERATURE BARRY YOU MIGHT CROAK.

9:58 -- "Are you ready for change?" he asks as a big micro-crescendo. Thanks for wasting America's time with this ambiguous question, Barry. This is like Hillary asking, "Are you ready for the 90s?"

10:00 -- Some cameramen and "grips" are chatting on MSNBC, and it is overpowering this latest Change Lecture. This teevee crew will be first against the wall in the Barack Hussein Muslim White House Mosque.

10:01 -- Changey changey changey, changey the policies and the tone, changey the Hope, changey the Iraq, changey changey changey [dies].

10:02 -- "Every child needs to be nurtured and embraced," by me. Can I deliver? YES I WE CAN.


10:06 -- This sounds like a Stump Speech. Keith? Keith? Can you wrap this'un up early, or are you too busy coddling a happily sobbing Chris Matthews?

10:07 -- We can take the money we spend on Iraq Wars and spend it on "roads, here in Houston." Everyone move to Houston! They will have rainbow sparkly roads of the finest shark tar in 2009.

10:09 -- I'll keep everyone safe from 9/11 when it doesn't happen again.

10:10 -- When this 9/11 doesn't happen, I will selectively choose smart wars and bring our troops home from Pakistan.

10:11 -- Hey, it's 10:11! That's "Shut The Fuck Up Time" in your adopted America, Barry.

10:12 -- We're going to end genocide in Darfur, if I end this speech before they figure out their own peace solution.

10:13 -- "All these things are possible..." This sounds like a nice clincher buildup.

10:13 -- "Obama hasn't been in Washington long," he says in a clever self-reflexive twist. The crowd, again, goes "BOO."

10:15 -- He wants to form a working majority for change. So does every American! Only some of them hate black people.

10:16 -- Blah blah John McCain is George W. Bush, presto.

10:16 -- I'm getting a beer since this will never end and I need a beer.

10:19 -- Always with turning the video games off. Most people are turning the video games on right now, Barry.

10:20 -- Did you guys know that Hope defeated the British in the American Revolutionary War? WRONG, RON PAUL DID IT, RON PAUL 2008!!!!

10:23 -- Ron Paul defeated the slavery.

10:23 -- Ron Paul defeated Kaiser Wilhelm.

10:23 -- Ron Paul defeated Hitler.

10:24 -- It's over! HOPE IS REAL!


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