Liveblogging Obama's 100th Term, Part II
Are you part of the "broader tapestry of American life," as Mr. Cool just said? How have you enjoyed Intern Juli as she helmed the HMS Liveblog Ship of State? HA AT EXACTLY THAT MOMENT OBAMA REFERRED TO AMERICA AS "THAT BATTLESHIP," which is what McCain used to call him, because McCain calls everybody "that battleship." Let's continue the liveblogging! We are humbled by it, and we are patient by it.
8:42 PM -- What? John McCain is a Republican? So why does he heart Mexicans, and -- by obvious extension -- the Swine Flu, El Carnitas de Influenza?
8:46 PM -- Blah blah immigration, Al Franken will open the floodgates of el Mexicanos and good-bye, White Christian America. (Good riddance, too.)
8:47 PM -- Whoa whoa he took a question from a black guy. Guess he was serious about this "change" stuff. Good-bye, White Christian America.
8:48 PM -- The question, in summary: "When will you make black people as rich as you are, Mr. Harvard le Hawaiian?"
8:50 PM -- Obama: "Well, uh, brothers will have to kind of get in line with everybody else who's poor, right now."
8:51 PM -- Q: How will you undermine America by giving our secrets to the ____?
8:51 PM -- YAWN, judge, tools, blunt instruments, needs more violence.
8:52 PM -- LAST QUESTION, who is this guy, Business Week, maybe? Portfolio? Let's say Portfolio. "What kind of shareholder are you going to be?"
8:53 PM -- See, Barack Obama is the primary shareholder of all banks and lenders and auto companies and investment houses, because he is King. But he does not want to do these things. He wants to have his wars, which are more fun, wayyyy more fun than, say, figuring out which shit GM brand to shut down this week.
8:54 PM -- As an abortionist and stem-cell peddler, Barack Obama says he "doesn't want to attach an umbilical cord to the Treasury."
8:55 PM -- OBAMA FAIL: "I do not know how to engineer an affordable, well-designed hybrid."
8:56 PM -- Barack wants you to know he does not enjoy "meddling" in the private sector, and also he is really droppin' Gs. Gettin', gonna, figurin', hopin'.
8:58 PM -- IT IS FINISHED.
8:59 PM -- Let's switch over to MSNBC and watch Rachel Maddow and her pudgy sidekick, "Keith Olbermann."
9:00 PM -- Hmm, lots of torture questions. Juli must have covered that part.
9:01 PM -- Washington/White House reporters are a special kind of clueless. Is torture likely committed by the past administration really the thing on everybody's mind after the first hundred days of the new administration, during a combination Monster Recession/Monster Pandemic/Probably actual Monsters walking the streets at night?
9:02 PM -- Let's not find out, by turning off Countdown.
9:04 PM -- John King, on CNN, seems to have heard the torture stuff totally differently than Rachel/Keith.
9:09 PM -- Commercial break! It's wine o'clock all over again!
9:12 PM -- Okay, Wolf Blitzer talking to the Mexico City reporter ... WAIT THAT IS SANJAY GUPTA WHERE IS HIS FACE MASK?
9:14 PM -- CNN web-looker-atters gave Obama a B+ -- a pretty good grade for a a freakin' online poll.
9:23 PM -- Here is something terrible made by commenter Atheist Nun:
10:00 PM -- Hmm, are we still here? Sure, sure we are.
10:01 PM -- Here's some good news, finally: While a shitload of people sign up for Twitter, 60% never come back after that first month. Never. Why? Because Twitter is the dumbest fucking thing, a fake fad, a momentary diversion, useless to one and all. And, experts say, once this brief cycle of celebrity/media attention fades and all the people have churned through Twitter, about 1 in 10 Internet users will actually go anywhere near Twitter.