Liveblogging Rod Blagojevich's Important Address To The World


Narcissistic personality disorder victim and actual clown Rod Blagojevich is about to speak out to the media for the first time, except for the few occasions when he's told the media to get off his lawn. What will hesay? Has he in fact TALKED to Rahm Emanuel, therefore making Emanuel ("The Democrats") a crook? Eh. We are watching CNN and they have a live stream here for the -4 of you with jobs.

2:57 -- There are a few minutes left, so whatcha gonna do? Known chef Ken Layne has a culinary suggestion: "you know what is awesome? triskets with cheddar cheese all cooked up like the dickens." MMHMM.

2:58 -- CNN gal says that he plans to speak for 60-90 seconds. BEST LIVEBLOG EVER.

2:59 -- She also says that there are about 100 "sweaty reporters" in the press conference room. This is common.

3:00 -- Oh god now Rick Sanchez is taking over, from Mexico, talking about some dead white girl in Florida. "The other big story is Governor Blagojevich," he adds.

3:01 -- Some guy is giving the thumbs up to the CNN camera. Rick Sanchez wants to know what that means.

3:01 -- Blago's press secretary says there will be no questions. She looks like a real piece of work, Jesus. And young! She could very well be Dana Perino's 24-year-old sister. She is counting down from 10. She finishes counting down from 10 and nothing happens. She is useless.

3:02 -- They keep showing this footage of Blago jogging in the snow, he looks hilarious. Must find the YouTube of this, after the rapid fire press conference.

3:04 -- HAHAHAHA, they are showing "highlights" from Rick Sanchez's Twitter on the crawl. They are all misspelled and one was demanding that he expose the war crimes of Dick Cheney! Oh Jesus you all NEED TO GO TO HIS TWITTER AND WRITE FUNNY SHIT, GO.

3:05 -- "bagelsscareme" is the latest Twitter commenter.

3:06 -- AHHH IT'S BLAGO.

3:07 -- He speaks IMMEDIATELY after coming out.

3:07 -- "I will fight I will fight I will fight." He says three times, then puts his head down as though he might cry. Oh my god he is INSANE.

3:08 -- He's not quitting because of "30-second sound bites." Stares at podium again. He's going to go on a shooting spree!

3:09 -- He quotes Rudyard Kipling, a racist. "Take on the white man's burden," he says. Not really.

3:10 -- He is "dying" to get his story out and he is "lonely." He will kidnap everyone in the room.

3:10 -- His ally, "the truth," will save him in the end. He is nuts. He is really nuts. And amazing. And sounds like a fairy.

3:11 -- Ha ha, first thing Rick Sanchez says afterwards, "The Kipling poem he was quoting was 'If.'" Thanks Rick. Are you all saying hilarious things on his Twitter???

3:12 -- This Twitter update thing has been appearing on the crawl constantly: "naturalkinks: RICK!!! I got word today that I have tickets to the inauguration next month!!! Congratulate me!"

3:18 -- Here's a funny video of Blago jogging, with a sweaty newspaper reporter trying to keep up.

And that ends our liveblog.

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FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

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Beds at the 'temporary' shelter in Homestead, Florida. US HHS photo.

The House of Representatives passed a $4.5 billion emergency bill to fund detention of undocumented immigrants and asylum seekers yesterday, but the bill's demands that government meet minimal standards of humane treatment led Donald Trump to threaten a veto, because no one puts cruelty in a corner. The bill passed largely along party lines, 230-195, with four progressive Democratic first-term representatives opposing it because they believed the machinery of the New Cruelty shouldn't get a single dollar more. Trump prefers a bill already passed by the Senate, which would provide a similar level of funding $4.6 billion), but lacks the House bill's crazy radical requirements that migrants be held in less horrifying conditions than have been reported in the last week.

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