Liveblogging Rod Blagojevich's Last Stand
Over the past two months, Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich charmed his way into America's heart with his nutty appointment schemes, his liberal use of swear words, his employment of dead babies as stage props, and of course his national media blitz this week when the Illinois state legislature was debating his impeachment. He decided to come back to make a PASSIONATE SPEECH today, which we will now write about.
Oh you can watch the whole thing on MSNBC, streaming live, now!
Also this is going to take 90 minutes and we are sure as shit not going to write through this whole goddamn thing.
12: 08 PM -- Blago wanted to harass literally every member of the United States government into testifying in this ridiculous trial, but Fitzgerald wouldn't let him.
12:09 PM -- Wow, no notes! Question: what Kipling poem will he recite from memory this time?
12:11 PM -- Jesus this guy is WORDY. Shorter Blago: "I did nothing wrong." It has taken him 5 minutes to say this.
12:13 PM -- "All of us in politics" say shady things about wanting stuff in exchange for a Senate appointment. We all can agree on that!
12:13 PM -- He sort of has a point here. It is kind of shitty for a state legislature to throw a governor out of office when you can't prove they've done anything criminal. That'ss the crazy thing about this guy -- he's a complete joke and a circus clown, but he isn't completely wrong about everything. If you close your eyes and imagine, oh, Donald Sutherland saying this stuff instead, it actually starts to sound reasonable.
12:16 PM -- Now he goes off the deep end. "I am being persecuted for delivering better health care to low-income families."
12:17 PM -- Oh good god now he is telling some dumb anecdote about how John Warner, who was once married to Elizabeth Taylor -- true story! -- mistook him for some sort of Senate slave and asked him for coffee. Twice!
12:19 PM -- A review of how a bill becomes a law. This is why his "passionate rebuttal" is going to take 90 minutes: because he is an insufferable blabbermouth.
12:21 PM -- The camera pans around the room. Many bored legislators, doodling.
12:24 PM -- The FDA didn't want him to get Canadian flu vaccines, because they hate old people.
12:25 PM -- BRB must reheat quesadilla.
12:27 PM -- PRESCRIPTION DRUGZ WUZ RAHM EMANUEL'S FAULT.
12:29 PM -- How could a man this personally off-putting get elected the governor of a large state, twice? Did people not notice he was a complete egomaniac with a persecution complex?
12:30 PM -- We have hung in here for 30 minutes and performed our Duty for America. No more of this nonsense. Goodbye forever, Rod Blagojevich.