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Oh good gravy there is a special election event at the world-famous giant suburban church somewhere. Let us pray about our purpose-driven liveblogging, which could happen, IF THE LORD WILZ IT. Oh it's starting maybe, let's find out if it's on teevee, and who will be president of 22,000 bored people in "Lake Forest, California," where there's no lake and no forest.


5:03 PM Pacific Time -- This is probably when it started.

5:20 PM -- Barack offers Rick Warren a massage and some meth.

5:40 PM -- Obama says anyone who isn't a Christian (like he is) should be sent back to Africa, where the Devil invented Evolution.

6:10 PM -- McCain is jabbering about how he worked with Jesus at Annapolis in 2,000 BC.

6:30 PM -- "Wh-what is this place, a, uh, a-aircraft c-carrier, heh heh?"

6:50 PM -- McCain: "I have f-f-faith I can believe in."

8:23 PM -- Oh come on, like we were going to liveblog this dumb nonsense. It's bad enough when we put up video clips of Michelle Obama on The View.

8:33 PM -- The real liveblogging is here, by the beloved Wonkette Commenters. (Start about here and just keep drinking.)

McCain, Obama meet at campaign religious forum [AFP]

EARLIER: Obama, McCain To Be Interrogated By Goateed Evangelist In Megachurch Isolation Booths

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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