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Liveblogging Stupid Tuesday: Ohio Voting Will Never End

Rutherford B. Hayes did 9/11.With 0% reporting in Texas, Barack Obama is the King of the Republic of Texas! But with 0% of Ohio reporting, Hillary Clinton is the new Queen of Ohio! Who will win? What's with the confetti? How lonely is John McCain tonight?


8:20 PM -- Barack's still killing Hil in Vermont, with 20% counted. Sixty Percent! These White Vermonters have sure taken to the black candidate!

8:21 PM -- Oh, and Part One is right here!

8:22 PM -- Ron Paul has 6% in Vermont! THE RE-LOVE(backwards)-UTION LIVES!

8:23 PM -- Oh lord, Hillary's man Terry McAuliffe is doing this "count all the votes" stuff while simultaneously telling Chris Matthews the actual votes should be ignored.

8:24 PM -- The saddest channel is, of course, Fox News. Let's follow the action here for a while, as sad Brit Hume is so sad, mumbly and sad.

8:27 PM -- Carl Cameron just called the White House "Casa Blanca." This was a light moment, we suppose. Anyway, McCain will be wheeled over to the White House tomorrow, maybe, where the most hated president in World History will give his blessing to old crazy no-money Walnuts.

8:30 PM -- A dozen different kinds of bird creatures (including a very fat Cactus Wren) are happily feeding from the Joshua Tree blooms that suddenly appeared this morning, desert ground squirrels are skittering over the rocky ground, the horses across the road are philosophically contemplating the sun dropping behind the snowy peaks, it's a beautiful 59 degrees outside, and your editor is sitting in his office with goddamned Fox News on the teevee.

8:33 PM -- Karl Rove is on Fox, by the way. Remember when we used to think he was an evil political genius? Now he's just a fat bald slow-witted Fox News analyst, talking about the "geek pit." How the might, etc.

8:34 PM -- Now Brit Hume is angrily barking at the analysts because the analysts are saying, tiredly, that they will be forced to be there on teevee for a while, because of results trickling in. Brit fumes: "Are you trying to put our audience to sleep?" Mission accomplished.

8:40 PM -- Let's go to CNN, before we all fall asleep. Paul Begala is cackling madly at the prospect of George W. Bush endorsing Juan McCain tomorrow.

8:44 PM -- Ron Paul now has SEVEN percent in Vermont. He could still win this thing.

8:44 PM -- Nothing like Chris Matthews saying "workin' folk." Chris Matthews has never done an honest day's work in his life.

8:45 PM -- Oh good, we're going to have "class warfare" in Ohio. That's according to what's her name here on MSNBC, the gal. Michelle Bernard.

8:47 PM -- This is because the old white women with no education in Ohio are scared that terrorists will kill their hillbilly children.

8:49 PM -- EMERGENCY PRESS CONFERENCE CALL FROM HILLARY CAMPAIGN.

8:49 PM -- Intimidation! Our Sara K. Smith is pulling some sort of stunt at the Austin Prima-Caucus hybrid chimera, maybe!

8:50 PM -- "Illegal obtaining of caucus packets," according to Olbermann, quoting the EMERGENCY PRESS CONFERENCE CALL HILLARY THING.

8:54 PM -- They are yelling and hitting a hotel lobby desk bell on MSNBC. Polls are about to close in Texas, and Rhode Island. RHODE ISLAND, PEOPLE.

8:55 PM -- New Live Blog! Here.

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